Anxiety Treatment NYC: Worried They Don’t Want You Around? How to Deal with Friendship Anxiety

If you live with social anxiety, relationships with others, even those with friends and family, can be tricky. Your mental health condition and your closest connections can sometimes feel at odds, particularly when blogs and self-help books say things like “a support system is key for anxiety recovery.” 

Of course, it’s no secret that connecting with supportive people reduces anxiety symptoms. But what do you do when the nature of your anxiety disorder makes it difficult to seek out loved ones and maintain strong connections? Additionally, how do you cope when internal doubts about whether you are too inconvenient, too needy, or too dependent, make it challenging to believe that others want to support you?

Can you find ways to relax, receive the support you need, and trust your relationships? Are there things you can do to improve your friendships and/or the way you perceive them? 

Yes! You deserve healthy, open relationships you can count on. Here are 7 things to try: 

Anxiety Treatment NYC: 7 Ways to Deal with Friendship Anxiety

1. Shift Your Focus

So much of social anxiety is internal. A cycle of negativity takes root in your head as unhelpful assumptions and plays on a loop. It’s important to make a practice of intentionally shifting your focus outward. Pause your thoughts. Stay present and observe how your friends are actually treating you and interacting with you.

Do their actions and your negative thoughts align? If they treat you like a friend, it is more than likely that they are choosing to be with you and want you with them.

2. Challenge your Conclusions

Friendship anxiety is often stoked by a tendency to jump to conclusions. Perhaps you interpret a friend’s abrupt tone or missed coffee date as “evidence’’ that they secretly want out of the friendship. Do you worry and withdraw? Or press in for assurances that they aren’t bothered by you? 

Consider that your friends’ responses aren’t always about you. They may be focused elsewhere or distracted in some way. Remind yourself of your connection. Mine your memory for the good times you shared together. Try not to jump to the worst possible conclusions and give your friends the benefit of the doubt. 

3. Build A Friendship with Yourself 

It’s easy to project your insecurities on your loved ones if you aren’t actively maintaining healthy self-esteem and self-care habits. Pay attention to the way you treat yourself. Imagine that you were someone else struggling with anxiety. Would you be unkind or accepting? Would you be impatient or understand and empathize?

Develop a practice of positive and encouraging self-talk and self-care activities. Actively combat the worry that you are not really wanted or lovable.

A good place to start? Try meeting with a therapist who can provide some objectivity and tools for self-acceptance and relationship clarity.

4. Embrace Healthy Boundaries

If your friendship anxiety stems from the idea that you lean too hard on your friends, consider setting boundaries. Setting some guidelines about how and when to seek your friend out, share feelings, and making plans can be extremely helpful. 

This ensures that time and emotional availability are optimized. All parties feel understood, have the necessary personal space, and feel secure in the relationship.  

5. Pay Attention to Balance and Mutual Benefit

Friendship is never perfectly balanced. However, sometimes friendship anxiety can be alleviated by a bit more intentionality when things feel one-sided. It’s a good idea to pay attention to 

1) your own behavior. Read up on signs of trauma dumping or codependent interaction. If they ring true, consider sessions with a relationship therapist to help you manage them. 

2) your friends’ needs. If you notice that your issues/ needs are dominating the relationship, resist the urge to turn inward and berate yourself. Don’t make assumptions about what your friend is thinking. Instead, turn outward and towards them. Get curious. Find out how they’re doing and listen to what they need. Reciprocity and contribution can keep anxiety in check.

6. Be Grateful Rather Than Apologetic 

Often, fear of losing a relationship s can cause an anxious person to feel needy and burdensome. To compensate, they might find themselves apologizing for turning to their friends. Be aware that this can create discomfort and a power imbalance in the relationship, exacerbating your worries about creating distance. 

This can be avoided by, again, turning outward. Allow yourself the pleasure of your friends’ support and thank them for giving it to you. Your gratitude and reciprocity then become a way to strengthen your bond.

7. Accept and Let Go

You can’t read your friends’ minds. You can’t control how they think about you and how much they want to be with you. That really is okay. You are only responsible for how you show up to the relationship.

You get to decide if and how you’ll participate. Their actions and responses will tell you where you stand. Be a good observer and communicator to keep anxiety from planting unhelpful assumptions in your head. It’s okay to relax and let your friendships take their course.

Easier said than done? That’s okay too. That’s what anxiety treatment is for.  

Anxiety Treatment NYC: How Therapy  Helps

You deserve friendship. You deserve to be loved, whatever your struggles. With support, you can soothe your friendship anxiety and develop friendships productively and meaningfully. 

Learn more about our Anxiety Treatment counseling services for help.

The Relationship Suite

We are a group of skilled therapists specializing in individual and couples counseling. We work with couples both in person and Online in New York, and New York City including Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn, Bronx, Staten Island, Long Island, Port Washington, Manhasset, Roslyn, South Hampton, East Hampton, and Montauk. To schedule a complimentary consultation, click HERE.

We also provide Virtual Counseling in New Jersey, Hoboken, Jersey City, Princeton, Chatham, Morris, Westfield, Union, Bergen County, Colts Neck, and Tenafly. Schedule a complimentary consultation by clicking HERE.