Singleness, if you don’t want it, is often depicted as this puzzle that a legion of lonely hearts just can’t figure out.

Are you destined to blind-date and swipe right until you find “the one”?  Why do all the good prospects fall through in a matter of weeks anyway?

Perhaps you need to think about being single differently. Rather than be a victim of perpetual singleness, it may be time to get curious about what’s going on with you. After all, to be part of a couple, you have to be open and ready. Otherwise, it just doesn’t work.  But you know that. You’ve been down that road before.

So, consider that this period of singleness isn’t so much a frustrating mystery, but a chance to reflect. No judgment. Just a good dose of self-awareness that just might usher in a new season of love in your life.

12 Reasons You’re Still Single

1. You’ve Got Unresolved Childhood Issues

Our early attachments shape our adult attachments for better or worse. Often we recreate what we know, even if it doesn’t necessarily make us happy. Perhaps your singleness is a result of closing off your heart to mistreatment long ago.

2. Your Walls Are Up

Are you guarded and still wrestling with painful past experiences or trauma?  If you resist vulnerability and haven’t resolved that past, you may be too defensive and walled off to encourage a relationship. If you see through a filter of hurt and distrust, dating is probably not productive.

3. You Set Yourself Up for a Fall

Do you choose partners who couldn’t possibly meet your needs emotionally? Why? It’s likely unconscious self-protection. Emotionally unavailable people also make good scapegoats when things go wrong because tend to disappoint and be insensitive. All the while, you may be choosing them because you know it won’t last anyway.

4. You Need to Improve your Self-talk 

What you say to yourself matters.  Your inner critic can keep you isolated if you let it. If you don’t affirm that you’re worthy of love, attention, and consideration, you won’t attract it. Worse, if love finds you, you won’t believe that it’s really there for you.

5. You’re Trapped in A Self-Limiting Loop

You confirm beliefs about yourself on a daily basis. Even if these perceptions aren’t helpful, yet may seek out partners that confirm them. It can be unsettling to connect with someone who challenges the way you think of yourself. Are you avoiding the discomfort?

6. Intimacy Freaks You Out

Consider your relationships. Are they marked by distance and resistance to deeper levels of closeness? If you find that you are anxious, pull away, or push back negatively when a partner wants more of you, you might not be as open to lasting- love as you think.

7. Your Standards Are Actually Judgments

There is nothing wrong with having high standards and knowing what you want. However, be careful not to slip into judgmental assumptions. Take a good look at how you view people. Consider how you will invest time in intentionally allowing people to show you who they really are.

8. You Don’t Want to Be Rejected

The single life can be a competitive one. The idea of investing in someone who may lose interest or choose someone else can play on your insecurities. Yet, if you drop out of dating for fear of not measuring up, you may miss out on any meaningful connection. Moreover, you further reinforce unhelpful beliefs about yourself.

9) There Is Only Room For One in Your Comfort Zone

Your life is filled with plenty of your own accomplishments and comforts. Thus,  practically accommodating another person might feel uncomfortable, risky, and even irritating. If you give up on the pursuit of love and refuse to push through your comfort zone, you won’t be available for the companionship you long for.

10) You Prefer More Rules  and Less Risk

It is rarely successful to apply rules or to buy into other people’s dictates as it pertains to dating. This is usually an attempt to mitigate risk and vulnerability. Parenting a partner is exhausting. The person you’re controlling won’t stay or will lose your respect if they do. Thus, your singleness continues.

11) You Do Too Much Too Soon

Some people are single because they move through relationship stages too fast. If you find that your enthusiasm is repeatedly rejected, you might need to slow down. Consider why you are so quick to trust and cling to a relationship before really knowing where you stand.

12) You’ve Forgotten How to Be You

Along the way, you might have developed habits that don’t really honor your own core values. It’s okay to step back and determine what it is to be authentically you. Check in on your own emotions, needs, and desires. Being yourself is a crucial part of drawing the right people to you.
If you are having difficulty navigating your singleness,  Contact Us at The Relationship Suite. We will help you identify and work through what is getting in the way of finding lasting love.

The Relationship Suite

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