You began the conversation with altruistic intentions. The intensity and staccato of your voices signal that you and your partner are approaching a full-blown argument.
What can you do?
Request a time out.
Utilize a time out the next time you and your partner’s conversation enters the danger zone—the point where an argument is near. Requesting a time out is a cue that you love your partner enough to cool down so your anger does not irreparably damage the relationship. It also prevents insults and accusations from being thrown at your partner in the heat of the moment. Whatever you do, don’t storm out or abandon your conversation.
If you request a time out, it’s very important that when you decide to take a timeout and talk later, set the time to talk right then. A good time to talk would be in an hour or maybe the next day depending on the mood of your current discussion. The person who calls the timeout is responsible for setting up a time to talk in the near future.
For added levity, assign a playful codeword to this break like, “hamburger.” Not only will this give you time to find perspective, but it may cool down the air with some humor.
Unfortunately, anger rears its ugly head in every relationship. It is one of those flaws in human nature, borne out of frustration, defensiveness and guilt.
It’s normal to disagree with your partner, but it’s hard to listen when you’re angry and reactive. You and your partner want to learn each other’s needs and expectations.
Anger can be one of the most difficult emotions to handle in a relationship, but it can managed and controlled. This discipline, like any form of discipline, requires work on the part of both partners; and, by using anger control strategies such as this, couples can develop healthy confrontation skills. And if couples need a bit of assistance in controlling anger in their relationships, a bit of guidance in the form of relationship coaching does wonders.
The key is not to let your anger control you, but, through the use of relationship developmental tools, to be in control of your anger. Difficult and confrontational conversations will always exist in a relationship, but anger, yelling and resentment can be eradicated.
Do you want relationship advice for instant growth and change? Take advantage the audio programs available at the Online Couples Toolkit.
The Relationship Suite
We are a group of skilled therapists specializing in couples/marriage therapy. We provide individual and couples therapy in New York, New York City including Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn, Bronx, Staten Island, Long Island, South Hampton, East Hampton, Montauk. Schedule a complimentary consultation by clicking HERE.
We also provide Online Couples Counseling in New Jersey, Hoboken, Jersey City, Princeton, Chatham, Morris, Westfield, Union, Bergen County, Colts Neck, Tenafly. Schedule a complimentary consultation by clicking HERE.
