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Take a look on the news, in the gossip magazines, and on social media. Chances are, you’ll see a story or two about a husband caught in the Ashley Madison scandal. After the website created for cheaters was hacked, husbands across the world were exposed. What these people thought would always be their deep dark secret was suddenly on display for the entire world to know. The hack left scars on the victim’s families and people in relationships. Did you feel the pain too? Even if your husband wasn’t one of the millions on the Ashley Madison list, it might still have you questioning your relationship. Can you trust your husband? Vanessa had this exact concern. She’s been happily married for five years to a good-looking, friendly man. Her husband has always been devoted and she describes her relationship as “healthy.” Yet Vanessa gets upset and worries. Women are constantly trying to flirt with her husband, making her feel insecure. Is it naivety? Vanessa thinks so. Her husband has helped other women with favors. He doesn’t think there’s anything wrong because he knows he would never do anything to sabotage their relationship. Vanessa says, “I feel very uncomfortable and don’t approve of him being so open and friendly with these women who are constantly approaching him. I know they are really flirting with him. Could you please give me relationship advice on how to handle this?” |
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My advice: Communicate with your husband that even though you admire his friendly attitude, he needs to be careful. Some women could take it the wrong way, leading him down a dangerous path. At the same time, take care that you aren’t overstepping your boundaries. The world is filled with flirtation. Sometimes it’s a threat. Many times it’s not. Knowing when to raise concern to your significant other isn’t easy. You don’t want to seem irrational or controlling. To ease into the conversation, try a different approach. Ask your husband how he would feel if the roles were reversed? Suddenly you’ll sound less accusatory and more helpful. From the sounds of it, Vanessa’s husband isn’t the cheating type. Letting go and having more faith in him will help her feel better. Still, there is a boundary being overstepped here. She needs to talk to her husband about when and what specific circumstances make her feel uneasy and uncomfortable. In turn, he should respect that boundary so he does not jeopardize his relationship unintentionally. Here’s an example. If he chats with a woman, he’s not posing a threat to their marriage. However, if he goes out to lunch alone with a woman, he could be out of line (unless it’s work related – sometimes these lunches are unavoidable). Tone and body language are also important. Vanessa isn’t with him all the time and doesn’t want to turn into a nag. She can set limits on how he relates to other women according to her comfort level. Both Vanessa and her husband need to celebrate and enjoy each other. Stop worrying about others. If she keeps him happy, chances are he will never fall vulnerable to someone else. Now it’s your turn.What are your thoughts on the Ashley Madison scandal? Have they opened up old wounds or new worries in your relationship?I’m curious what you’re feeling amongst all of the buzz about cheating. Are you ready to learn an effective strategy on how to create more intimacy in your relationship? Click here To find out more about my services click here: Couples Counseling |
