No matter how much you really want and need to get your point across to your partner, there are a number of methods of communication that are strictly off limits.  Using them will get you nowhere productive.

These methods include, but are not limited to the following:

  • Sarcasm
  • Mockery
  • Gas lighting
  • Name-calling
  • Contempt

Sarcasm: When you are sarcastic toward your partner, you create a couple of issues.  First, if you are both upset, s/he may not realize that you’re being sarcastic to begin with.  You may not be discussing the same issue in the end and you may have no idea where the other is coming from.  Second, sarcasm can be a way of belittling your partner during an argument.  This not only prevents solving the problem at hand, but it introduces more conflict between you and your partner.

Mockery: This is when you are teasing or being contemptuous to your partner. You are pretending to be on your partner’s “side” when you aren’t or speaking in your partner’s voice. This is flat-out offensive and is therefore out of bounds.

Gaslighting: when you make your partner question their own sense of sanity and reality. An example of gaslighting would be a partner doing something hurtful and then denying it happened. Gaslighters may also convince their victims that they’re mentally too sensitive.

Name-calling: Name-calling may be as low as one could go in this field and shouldn’t really be included in the same ballpark as communication.  Calling names can include foul language or calling the other any number of terms, and as adults, you should both be sensitive to what is unacceptable here.  Just pull back a minute and think first – what would your reaction be to having these titles hurled in your direction?

Contempt: “If John Gottman observes one or both partners in a marriage showing contempt toward the other, he considers it the most important sign that a marriage is in trouble.” Contempt can also insinuate “I’m better than you.”

What’s the purpose of this if it’s not just to make your partner feel worse? Contempt will not allow for your partner to open up and potentially solve the issue. Think a few times before you let the temptation grab your mouth and whip out those damaging words.

  • Is this going to help us deal with the issue?
  • Is it hurtful for no reason?
  • Is it disrespectful to my partner?

Think well, because once the words are out of your mouth, they are out and retracting them isn’t so simple.  We human beings do not have a delete button, so handle with care. Treating your partner with disrespect can be poisonous to a relationship.

When kindness is expressed in a relationship, couples feel loved, cared for and understood. Kindness contributes to an overall positive feeling and partners are motivated to continue this pattern resulting in an overall positive cycle.

Do you want to learn how to communicate more effectively with your partner? Do you need Relationship Advice for instant growth and change? Check out our Online Relationship Took Kit.

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