I Can’t Stop Obsessing

This week Amanda asked about how she can stop obsessing about her ex-boyfriend, who she found out was cheating on her. She realizes that she needs to move on but can’t as she is constantly thinking about him and the woman he cheated on her with. She expressed rage towards them particularly, because he left her for the other woman. She requested help with trying to get rid of these obsessive thoughts.

I explained to her that when something like this happens, it is naturally painful, but it’s important to remember that she can turn this into a blessing as she searches within and gains a new level of awareness. It is best to learn and grow from these opportunities so that as we evolve, we can choose healthier relationships.

Amanda has every right to feel hurt and angry. I empathize with her as it is a painful transition in her life. The sadness and anger may be intense now, but her emotional state will change for the better. Time will heal, as she adjusts to and digests this new reality in her life.

As she mourns the relationship, it is essential that she explores issues she had with her ex and takes ownership over things she could have prevented as she works on learning more about herself. I asked her, “what would you do differently in your next relationship?”

I assured Amanda that eventually the constant thoughts of her ex-boyfriend will diminish on their own. In the meantime, she should use this time to fully understand what went wrong and why. I told her “he is gone and you have a full life ahead of you, so it’s vital to make sure that you apply lessons learned to your future, which, by the way, will bring wonderful surprises.”