Do Your Use of Substances Keep You From Feeling Connected To Your Partner?
- Are you or your partner struggling with substance use?
- Have the resulting behaviors put a strain on your relationship?
- Are you dealing with financial fallout, legal troubles or other serious challenges as a result of substance use?
If you use substances, including alcohol, you may be in denial that your behaviors are unhealthy. Convinced that you have everything under control, you may become distressed and defensive when your partner mentions issues of substance use or encourages you to seek help.
As a result, you may be using in secret to avoid confrontation or because you feel ashamed. In keeping certain behaviors from your partner, your relationship may be strained by tension and emotional distance. A sense of distrust may impact your ability to feel intimate.
It’s also possible that you become angry or irritable as a result of your use. Perhaps you’ve become aggressive toward your partner or said damaging, hurtful things while under the influence. Unable to maintain harmony, you may have started to harbor feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction with your relationship.
As The Partner Of A Substance User, You Are Likely Engaging In Codependent Behaviors
Being the significant other of someone who’s using substances, you may be frustrated with your partner’s inability to stop using. You likely feel disregarded in the relationship or as though your significant other is prioritizing the substance over you.
Maybe you cover up or downplay their use around others. When your partner acts carelessly or behaves poorly, you might be quick to overlook their conduct and make excuses for them. And worried about what friends or family would think if they knew the extent of your partner’s problem, you may feel as though you can’t be fully honest about your relationship.
In relationships where there is substance use, codependent behaviors quickly form. Perhaps you have a pattern of getting involved with people who are either emotionally unavailable or in need of rescuing. Unable to force change onto your partner, however, you probably feel like you have no sense of control within the relationship.
Though substance use can significantly impact a partnership, recovery is possible, and couples counseling can help. Working with a counselor in New York City, you can learn how to navigate and overcome substance use issues—together.
Couples Are More Likely To Experience Conflict And Distrust In Relationships Where There Is Substance Use
Substance use is a major problem in the United States, given that 21 million Americans struggle with at least one substance use. These substances include alcoholism as well as the abuse of opioids, cocaine, heroin, and other substances.
While there is plenty of information about the physical and psychological impact of substance use on individuals, there hasn’t been much focus on substance use and its effect on intimate partnerships. Our relationships require a lot of work and investment even without substance use present, so the consequences can be devastating when one or both partners struggle with substance use.
In addition to the interpersonal conflict, feelings of distrust, and shame that impact partners in relationships where there is substance use, there are also common financial issues that result from substance use problems. A person dependent on substances may spend money carelessly or compromise joint finances. Yet, cutting off or attempting to control the partner who is using often adds to the underlying problems in the relationship.
Due to the stress that substance use puts on a partnership, breakups and divorce are often expected outcomes in these scenarios. But ending the relationship does not need to be the only option. With couples counseling at The Relationship Suite, you and your partner can work together on the path toward recovery.
Couples Therapy At The Relationship Suite Can Help You Understand The Impact Of Substance Use And Facilitate Recovery
Repairing the relationship is an important part of overcoming substance use, and recovery is most successful when both partners are involved in treatment. As couples come together to examine counterproductive patterns and codependent behaviors, the process of seeking forgiveness can begin.
At The Relationship Suite in New York City and New Jersey, our approach to couples counseling and recovery includes aspects of individual, marital, and group therapy. It’s important to note, however, that we do not see couples or individuals who are not in full recovery if they have previously been diagnosed with a Substance Use Disorder (SUD). Our therapists can help you evaluate whether a SUD exists, and refer you to the appropriate level of care if necessary.
If you or your partner are in recovery, our therapists can help you become aware of the dysfunctional patterns created by codependent behaviors. In the process, you will learn essential communication and boundary-setting skills that can help you to establish a new and shared vision of your future together. Along the way, you can see that recovery is not just a steppingstone—it’s a lifestyle.
How Support Groups And 12-Step Programs Factor Into The Recovery Process
Beyond the individual and couples counseling services we offer at The Relationship Suite, our therapists also believe that much of substance use recovery happens in a community setting, typically in support and therapy groups. Therefore, we are likely to offer community self -help resources to clients on the path to recovery.
Alcoholics Anonymous (or AA) and related groups for other addictions are 12-Step programs that help people struggling with substance abuse to embrace accountability, and identify and eliminate destructive behaviors. As individuals admit to wrongdoing and seek forgiveness from their partners, their relationship is likely to stabilize and improve. In addition, Al-Anon is a support group for loved ones that can help you, as the partner, identify codependent and enabling behaviors. AA and its offshoots have a long history of effectiveness, however they share a distinctive philosophical approach that some people find off putting. SMART Recovery is an alternative format that provides group support with a framework based on the principles of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Recovery Dharma is a similar organization that is grounded in the principles of Buddhism. All are free and have regular meetings in the NYC area.
Perhaps You’re Ready To Seek Couples Counseling For Substance Abuse Issues, But You Still Have Questions…
My partner is the one with a problem—why do I need to go to therapy?
Recovery is more successful when both partners are involved in the process. By learning more about your partner’s behaviors, you’ll be able to help them reinforce recovery and avoid relapse.
In addition, being in a relationship with a person with a Substance Use Disorder, you may struggle with codependent behaviors. By facing issues of codependence, you can begin to see the areas where you’re trying to control or have no control in the relationship and instead redirect focus on your own needs.
I am ready to leave this relationship—I don’t know how counseling can help.
Choosing to stay or leave a relationship is a deeply personal decision that takes time and consideration. If you feel that the betrayal has been too great or that trust could never be re-established, then you may feel that it’s time to leave the relationship.
Yet, therapy can give you an opportunity to determine next steps. By working with a couples counselor who can help you and your partner understand the recovery process, you can decide whether or not you want to support your significant other overcome their Substance Use Disorder.
My partner is in such denial about their use that I don’t think they would agree to counseling.
The healing process can’t start until your partner overcomes their denial and admits there is a problem. In extreme cases in which your partner’s denial cannot be penetrated, it may be necessary to plan and implement an intervention. This means creating a pre-arranged treatment plan and gathering friends, family, and colleagues around your partner to discuss the impact that substance use has had on your partner’s life and relationships.
Once this initial treatment phase is accomplished–and a commitment to full recovery is made–then individual and couples counseling at The Relationship Suite can begin.
Recovery Is A Lifestyle That Can Change Your Relationship For The Better
If substance abuse is impacting your relationship, couples counseling for recovery at The Relationship Suite in New York and New Jersey can help you overcome unhealthy behaviors, gain coping skills, and create new possibilities together.
To schedule a free, 20-minute consultation, please call (917) 273 – 8836 or contact us via our site.
As therapists we believe it is important to handle substance use with empathy, acceptance and patience. With hard work, forgiveness and the right kind of support and counseling, many couples are able to heal their relationship and create a new and healthier relationship. This takes a lot of time, patience and persistence, but a new level of trust and intimacy could be reached.
