Couples Counseling NYC: How Vulnerability Helps Create the Intimacy You Both Want
In the beginning, love is good. It’s fascinating, intoxicating, a dream.
Often, we can’t get enough of the feeling, of our partners, or the novel wave of positive emotions. But the move toward deeper intimacy can be a trickier thing.
For some, closeness and commitment can feel overwhelming, even frightening. As a relationship progresses, being known and responsible for knowing another person is a big deal. So big that you might find yourself increasingly anxious, hesitating, or pumping the relationship brakes despite the love you feel. You may even back out and away from real intimacy altogether.
But why? Why are you so unnerved by the intimacy and closeness? What makes feeling seen, known, and understood so scary?
We call it vulnerability. It doesn’t happen if you’re not “all in.” And, too often, couples see it as a weakness rather than the relationship superpower it is.
Couples Counseling NYC: Why Vulnerability is a Courageous Choice
To be honest, vulnerability doesn’t look great in a Google search. It is defined as “the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.” If you apply this definition to your relationship, the pursuit of intimacy isn’t inviting at all. However, consider that Google may not be the couples expert to consult.
Let’s, consider Professor Brene Brown’s take instead. The well-known author, lecturer, and podcast host says the following in her book, Daring Greatly:
“Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. To feel is to be vulnerable. To believe vulnerability is weakness is to believe that feeling is weakness. To foreclose on our emotional life out of a fear that the costs will be too high is to walk away from the very thing that gives purpose and meaning to living.”
Vulnerability is a brave decision not to protect yourself or withhold your heart. It is a path toward your partner that you’ll willingly take, come hell or high water. They mean that much to you. They mean so much, that you’ll risk rejection or being misunderstood to connect.
Intimacy blooms as you test the mutual trust you’re building. What you might keep from others, you give to each other. It is the key to growth. To continually develop a closer, deeper connection, you trust your partner to place as much importance on the bond as you do. There’s no weakness in that.
Couples Counseling NYC: Vulnerability Fosters Intimacy in 3 Key Ways
- Vulnerability creates closeness through shared needs and desires.
Why does it feel risky to open up? Your past may have taught you that needs are unmet, rejected, or summarily dismissed. Yet, the alternative, staying aloof and unknown, won’t deepen your connection.
Allowing yourself to share, allows your partner to safely do the same. The openness and freedom created aren’t assurance that you’ll always agree or express the same needs but a deep appreciation and belonging are likely to result. From there, compassion, understanding, and intimacy can bloom.
- Vulnerability inspires deeper engagement, authenticity, and acceptance.
A shared life comes with a measure of uncertainty. There are times when you may feel insecure or unclear during certain phases of your relationship. You may feel avoidant or anxious as a result. Vulnerability requires more of you.
Being vulnerable requires you to lean in, listen, and pay attention. You intentionally make space and create time to hear your partner out. Staying present and willing, one conversation at a time, you learn to tolerate and integrate your mutual perspectives. Soon, respect for periods of uncertainty grows. The intimacy gained amid life’s surprises may even start to feel like a gift or opportunity rather than something to resist.
- Vulnerability empowers you to prioritize your partner without controlling the connection.
Even when things get hard. Vulnerability is a commitment to expressing yourselves and trusting each other to value those expressions. You learn how to stay present and stay honest, without forcing the connection to feel comfortable. You decide not to hold back or push away when you disappoint each other.
Messiness and misunderstandings are a part of willingly creating a secure bond. Differences of opinion aren’t necessarily deal breakers. Hurt feelings happen and are repaired. What results? A resilient intimacy that makes leaving your emotional comfort zone worth the risk.
Couples Counseling NYC: Reach Out for Relationship Help
When you embrace vulnerability, you intentionally put your relationship first. Sometimes, you need help to make that happen. Reaching out for therapy can help you and your partner work through your past and communicate your hopes for a shared future.
The Relationship Suite
If you want to learn more about having a healthy connection, please Contact Us at The Relationship Suite. We can help you identify and work through whatever is getting in the way of finding peace, comfort, and lasting forgiveness.
We’re a group of skilled therapists specializing in relationship counseling. We provide individual and couples therapy. To find out more about Relationship Counseling NYC CLICK HERE.
Since Covid, we have been working with couples via Online Counseling in New York, and New York City including Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn, Bronx, Staten Island, Westchester, Long Island, Port Washington, Roslyn, Manhasset, South Hampton, East Hampton, and Montauk. To schedule a complimentary consultation, click HERE.
We also provide Virtual Counseling in New Jersey, Hoboken, Jersey City, Princeton, Chatham, Morris, Westfield, Union, Bergen County, Colts Neck, and Tenafly. Schedule a complimentary consultation by clicking HERE.
Contact Us HERE for a complimentary consultation.
