Insecurity is a human fallibility. We all live with a measure of self-doubt, a level of uncertainty, and areas of lagging confidence. So, it isn’t any surprise that we take those feelings with us into our most significant relationships. For the most part, we can manage our insecurities, behave well, keep them in perspective, and live productive lives.
Still, sometimes, insecurity gets in the way. Unchecked, it can even start to create instability between you and your partner. What’s going on in your connection? Is insecurity ruining your relationship?
Couples Counseling NYC: How Insecurity Feels
Are you mad at me? Do I embarrass you? Do you love me? Sound familiar?
Intimate partners want to safely reside and respond to each other in their relationship, to belong to each other. It is often unbearably uncomfortable to lack confidence in the relationship you cherish most. To be insecure in a relationship means to worry that an irreparable disconnect is inevitable, your connection is not stable, and your relationship is at risk.
Fear and anxiety about the risks to your connection (internally and externally) can overwhelm you if they take hold. Do you have difficulty trusting your partner’s feelings? Do you expect your commitment to each other won’t or can’t last? Perhaps you feel threatened by the influence of other people or life circumstances. Negativity and anxiety can obscure the positive and satisfying parts of your life together.
Though a person can feel insecure due to their partner’s behavior, it’s also often true that a person can feel insecure even when their partner has remained present and committed to them. In other words, insecurity is often rooted elsewhere and plays out as a pattern in our current relationships. Is that your story? To gain more insight, consider whether the following things are happening in your relationship.
Couples Counseling NYC: 4 Key Signs Insecurity is Ruining Your Relationship
- Lopsided Support Stresses Your Communication
Insecurity is a perfect vehicle for misunderstanding and misinterpretation. It’s as if your mind has a filter that reads rejection and waning interest into your partner’s attempts to share, interact, or even meet their own needs.
Perhaps you become distant, pulling away from your partner when insecurity comes to a head. Or maybe you hold too tight, requiring repeated reassurance and constant closeness to ward off any sense of rejection. Either way, insecurity takes a toll. An imbalance of care and support develops. After a while, you may take more than you give in the relationship. As a result, dissatisfaction can erode the partnership you’ve built together.
- Codependency Strains Your Connection
If you stifle your own voice, control, or cling hard to your partner, insecurity may manifest as codependency. Are you struggling to speak up or speak openly because you feel too insecure to be vulnerable or rock the relationship boat? Do you try to control your environment or interactions with others to feel secure?
While you want to ensure that your insecurity doesn’t accuse or hem your partner in, you also want to be honest with yourself and your partner. Insecurity can make you think you need to “make your partner happy.” Yet, the best course is to make a real and honest connection daily. Tune into your needs, share your observations, and own your thoughts and actions. This starts building trust and truth into a connection you can count on.
- Constant Conflict Does Damage
Insecurity can wear a partnership down. Pressure and resentment begin to bury the goodwill and closeness you desire so much. Are often jealous, demanding or accusatory? The cycle of mistrust and reassurance can lead to tension, arguments, and toxicity as you try to ease your worries about the possibility of relationship loss.
- Continued Lack of Awareness Widens Your Relationship Rift
Insecurity happens but it doesn’t have to keep happening. Whatever landed you in this emotional place, even if you experienced childhood or relationship trauma, you can recover and preserve your relationship. The key is not to avoid the root causes at play.
If you resist first observing your own history, habits, and beliefs and how they contribute to your insecurity, it will be difficult to feel safe and love honestly. Your partner needs to know that you can see them accurately, support them well, and put your relationship concerns in perspective. You need to know that you can achieve clarity, manage your emotions, and address relationship issues capably. Time spent reflecting, journaling, or talking to a couples counselor can often help you and your partner make that shift.
Couples Counseling NYC: Solidify Your Connection with Therapy
How do you preserve love when insecurity keeps coming between you? First, afford yourself some compassion and understanding. Insecurity isn’t a relationship death sentence. It’s an indicator of individual and relational work that needs to occur. You’re paying attention to the signs now; that’s something to be proud of. You and your partner deserve the attention and care that couples counseling can offer.
Reach out soon, and proactively make changes that restore your connection. Get to the root of your issues and learn tools to turn things around. Whether your personal insecurities are at issue or there are some legitimate concerns fueling insecurity, you don’t have to suffer in silence. You don’t have to fear losing your love. If insecurity is ruining your relationship, you have the support available to recover. Take the next step. Learn more about couples counseling.
The Relationship Suite
If you want to learn more about having a healthy connection, please Contact Us at The Relationship Suite. We can help you identify and work through whatever is getting in the way of security, comfort, and solid relationship confidence.
We’re a group of skilled therapists specializing in relationship counseling. We provide individual and couples therapy. To find out more about Relationship Counseling NYC CLICK HERE.
Since Covid, we have been working with couples via Online Counseling in New York, and New York City including Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn, Bronx, Staten Island, Westchester, Long Island, Port Washington, Roslyn, Manhasset, South Hampton, East Hampton, and Montauk. To schedule a complimentary consultation, click HERE.
We also provide Virtual Counseling in New Jersey, Hoboken, Jersey City, Princeton, Chatham, Morris, Westfield, Union, Bergen County, Colts Neck, and Tenafly. Schedule a complimentary consultation by clicking HERE.
Contact Us HERE for a complimentary consultation.
