Couples Counseling NYC: What Your Partner Wishes You Knew About Personal Space

Why do some couples worry about voicing a need for personal space? Are they afraid that needing time alone might feel like rejection to the other partner? Does it seem selfish to need interactions or experiences that are theirs alone?

What about you? Is your partner’s desire to spend time away making you anxious?

You aren’t alone if the words “personal space” feel like a relationship problem. But don’t jump to negative conclusions too quickly.

Couples Counseling NYC: Why Personal Space Matters

Healthy partnerships need boundaries to define and protect the needs and values that matter to both people. Determining your personal space is to set an emotional and physical boundary. To live and love well, we all need to balance our individual selves and our roles as partners.

Whether you’ve been together for three months or 30 years, time for yourself is just as important as time with your significant other.

If you forgo neglect of personal space, discontent, and disappointment can take root. Additionally, resentment of the relationship can creep in. When personal space is neglected too long, one or both partners may start to feel insecure or anxious about how to bring it up. It isn’t unusual for misunderstanding or conflict to arise as a result.

Couples Counseling NYC: What Your Partner Wishes You Knew About Personal Space

Communication about personal space is a must to prevent confusion and hurt feelings. If your partner is expressing a need for space, consider why. Is your fear of loss or insecurity encroaching on a boundary they are trying to set?

It may be that your partner simply needs breathing room and wants you to acknowledge that need. Often partners expressing a need for personal space are also communicating the following:

A. “Personal space helps me meet these individual needs…”

In everyday conversations, this may sound like this:

“My sense of independence depends on preserving some time for myself.”
“When times are hard, time to myself is calming and reassuring.”
“Personal space is a boundary that I set and control. It helps maintain my self-esteem.”
“Time away from the relationship makes space for experiences, creativity, and interactions that invigorates me and makes me more interesting.”

B. “Personal space helps us meet these relationship needs too…”

In conversations about your relationship, this may sound like this:

“Feeling emotionally safe and connected depends on respect for the personal boundaries we set.”
“Time on our own gives us the mental space to consider our connection, brainstorm ways to improve it as a team, and clarify which ideas to share.”
“Personal space helps us notice and appreciate how much we value our relationship on a daily basis.”
“Strategic absence makes us more eager to reunite.”

The idea here? Hear your partner’s heart. Lower your defenses and talk things through. Personal space doesn’t have to be scary. Seeking limits and space ensures that both of you maintain and express your own, individual personalities throughout your union.

Being your authentic selves while building a rich and supportive future together is a fulfilling gift you can give each other.

Couples Counseling NYC: What to Do If Personal Space Still Makes You Nervous

You and your partner can establish and maintain personal space if you commit to working together. Trust and boundaries are the bedrock of healthy, communicative connections. If you feel very uneasy separating from your spouse for the sake of personal space, therapy could be worth your time.

A couples counselor can help you determine whether unresolved issues, attachment styles, or communication obstacles impede your growth as a couple. Work actively on solutions together.

Learn more about our Couples Counseling counseling services for help.

The Relationship Suite

To learn more about personal space and a healthy connection, please Contact Us at The Relationship Suite. We can help you identify and work through whatever is getting in the way of finding peace, comfort, and lasting forgiveness.

We’re a group of skilled therapists specializing in relationship counseling. We provide individual and couples therapy. To find out more about Relationship Counseling NYC CLICK HERE.

Since Covid, we have been working with couples via Online Counseling in New York, and New York City including Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn, Bronx, Staten Island, Westchester, Long Island, Port Washington, Roslyn, Manhasset, South Hampton, East Hampton, and Montauk. To schedule a complimentary consultation, click HERE.

We also provide Virtual Counseling in New Jersey, Hoboken, Jersey City, Princeton, Chatham, Morris, Westfield, Union, Bergen County, Colts Neck, and Tenafly. Schedule a complimentary consultation by clicking HERE.