Couples Counseling NYC: Your Partner Needs Connection, Not Perfection

It’s tough enough to find love, to be in love, to sustain love. But to be “perfect” at love? Who needs that kind of stress?

Yet, some of us enter relationships fully committed to being a “perfect partner”. Perhaps you can relate. Did you come into your relationship prepared to be the kind of partner your beloved would never criticize, argue with, or ever leave?

You aren’t alone if you’ve started to feel frustrated about the quality of your connection despite your attempts to perfect it.

The truth is, you’re not a perfect partner. Deep down, you know that but it can be scary to let go of the idea of perfection. To build lasting love though, it’s important to allow your imperfections to free you up.

Couples Counseling NYC: The Problem With the “Perfect Partner” Fantasy

Unrealistic Expectations Foster Inner Frustration & Self-Sabotage

If you long to be a faultless, flawless partner, you should know that your impossibly high standards and self-criticism are likely to do you more harm than good. Why?

Well, at some point you are likely to realize that perfectionism in your relationship is unsustainable. Your partner is likely to see you with your guard down. At least they should. Attempting perfection while tired, upset, in transition, grieving, etc. is too hard for anyone. Your partner needs to see the whole of you. You need to be yourself. Perfectionism sabotages the authenticity that draws compassion and unconditional love to you.

Perfectionistic Partner Behavior Blocks Authentic Rapport & Repair

Trying to be the perfect partner can work against your goal to bring your partner closer too. Focusing all of your energy on being your idea of an attractive, attentive, successful, lovable partner can cause you to react poorly to any perceived pressure or criticism. Sensing that you’ve failed in your partner’s eyes can feel unbearable, causing you to push them away. As a result, you may never really establish the kind of genuine, mutual interaction that makes rapport and conflict repair possible.

Couples Counseling NYC: The Beauty of a Flaws-and-All Relationship

1. You can both stop pretending.

Perfection is an imaginary state. Mature healthy relationships allow for reality. Partners face it together. When you stop trying to be perfect or impose perfection on your loved one, you make room for genuine emotion, positive and negative, as well as the closeness and connection that comes with it.

Essentially, your partner has the opportunity to see you and hear you when you don’t have it all together. They can see how you cope and reach resolutions. Even better, they can be part of the process and love you all the more for it.

2. You can enjoy more freedom.

Constantly trying to be the perfect partner can solidify roles that make your relationship rigid and unsatisfying for you both. If you are always the most supportive, the most attentive, and the most caring, you may eventually feel consumed by your relationship.

Conversely, your partner may start to feel smothered or lose interest in actively participating in the growth of your relationship.

Embracing imperfection makes space for fresh interaction. Caring for each other is the goal. Permitting space and time for both of you to try new ways of interacting and connecting vulnerably without worrying about doing things perfectly makes love an adventure worth taking.

3. You can create stability and cultivate contentment

Loving, compassionate relationships are built on authenticity and sharing, not perfection. You don’t have to show up with it all together. Stability and well-being develop when you both show up with a desire to do what it takes to be together. Share openly. Seek to put each other’s needs first. Check-in with each other as things change. Give each other room to grow and seek help when growing together feels difficult. Love is interesting and vibrant when imperfections are folded into your interactions.

Couples Counseling NYC: Cultivate Confidence with Relationship Support

When you make room for imperfection as a couple, you often make space for deeper understanding and growth in your relationship. Of course, letting go of being a perfect partner may require some support. Reaching out for couples counseling can help you and your partner work through anxiety and unresolved issues that may have contributed to your desire for perfection. Counseling can be the dedicated time and space you need to set new relationship goals together.

The Relationship Suite

If you want to learn more about having a healthier connection, please Contact Us at The Relationship Suite. We can help you identify and work through whatever is getting in the way of finding confidence, comfort, and deeper connection.

We’re a group of skilled therapists specializing in relationship counseling. We provide individual and couples therapy. To find out more about Relationship Counseling NYC CLICK HERE.

Since Covid, we have been working with couples via Online Counseling in New York, and New York City including Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn, Bronx, Staten Island, Westchester, Long Island, Port Washington, Roslyn, Manhasset, South Hampton, East Hampton, and Montauk. To schedule a complimentary consultation, click HERE.

We also provide Virtual Counseling in New Jersey, Hoboken, Jersey City, Princeton, Chatham, Morris, Westfield, Union, Bergen County, Colts Neck, and Tenafly. Schedule a complimentary consultation by clicking HERE.