You have every reason to be excited! You’re engaged and all the hopes you had for love and commitment are coming to fruition. You feel loved and loving. Moreover, you love the air of promise that permeates everything.
Yet, the truth is you don’t know what you don’t know before tying the knot. And that can create a wealth of trouble later.
Marriage is more than joined lives and a residence. Instead, it is shared lives and mutual assurance that you are dedicated to a common cause and lasting love. Thus, you both to be fully informed and willingly honest about your needs and wants.
Is that tougher than “I do” and hoping for the best? In the short term, perhaps. But couples rarely regret building a more solid and sustainable love long-term.
So, let’s explore how you’ll build the trust and respect that your relationship deserves.
What You and Your Partner Should Know Before Tying the Knot
That You’re Ready to Prioritize Your Partnership, For Better or Worse
You’d be amazed at how many couples enter into marriage with decidedly different expectations regarding the depth and breadth of their commitment. Be sure that what you want from marriage is outlined in detail.
What does fidelity look like? How comfortable are you with opposite-sex friendships? How much time do you expect to spend together every day, on weekends, etc?
Discuss it looks like, practically, to put each other first.
That Your Communication Skills Are Up to the Ongoing Challenge
Engaged and throughout the honeymoon phase, you are likely to share openly and remain agreeable. Yet, now is the time to sort out and acknowledge the gaps in your individual communication skills and/or your mutual communication. Are you holding back or avoiding some topics altogether?
Take a step back and pay attention to your interactions. How well do you do the following?
- Share your emotions
- Accept and respect your differences
- Compromise and rethink your position
- Listening openly and without judgment
- Share and incorporate routines and rituals that strengthen the relationship
In addition, now is the time to reflect inwardly and start communicating about more difficult topics too. Have you noticed any negative communication patterns, particularly during conflict? It’s important to face them and allow yourselves time to get to the root of them before resentment creeps in.
Delving into these issues isn’t an attempt to rock the boat. It is simply a process of building communication practices that will serve you for decades.
That the Future You’re Signing Up For is What You Both Want
A lot of work goes into making a marriage safe and fulfilling for your both. Fully discuss your long-term goals. Do they align? How much is negotiable?
Ask each other the questions that shape your life together. Just a few might include:
- How will your careers factor into your home life?
- Are children in the cards?
- How will you celebrate your respective faiths?
- How often do you expect to entertain in-laws?
- Will you combine your finances?
Go into life with your eyes as well as your heart open. The more you share, the more you may find to discuss. Remember your goal is to learn and grow closer together. If you feel you’re hitting roadblocks, consider premarital support from a relationship expert.
That You’ll Check-in, Confront Conflict and Seek Help As Needed
Your engagement is an opportune time to start routinely checking in with each other. It is also a good time to build on what is already good between you and explore the beauty of your connection. If and when you do find unresolved problems, confronting them with a counselor is a valuable approach.
Engaged, as newlyweds or married for decades, the primary goal is a healthy relationship. Allowing yourselves the gift of support as easily and often as necessary can alleviate any unnecessary suffering or distance in the future.
If you and your partner would like to learn more about premarital counseling and how it can help ensure a happier marriage, please read more about premarital counseling. Call 917-273-8836 or contact us for a complimentary consultation to learn more about counseling in NYC and how we can help you.
