Before you can break through the emotional walls keeping you and your partner apart, you must discover what will bring you together—the secret behind attraction. What will draw you to him or her? What about your partner will catch your eye and make you give them a second glance? What will it be about him or her that will make this person the one?
Under the glare of honesty, many people will admit that they believe physical characteristics lure them to a partner. You will not fall in love with the person you are looking at (or thinking of) for only their physical beauty. Despite the mind-blowing conversations or heart-racing passion you will enjoy, this may not be the only thing that will attract you to a partner.
You may fall for your partner because, subconsciously, their key character traits remind you of your parents or primary caretakers.
Imago Relationship Therapy
In his landmark book, Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix explains that deep in our unconscious brains we are feverishly working to select a partner; and the prerequisites for being attracted to that person have a lot to do with the people who raised us. Are you skeptical that this secret dance of attraction may be playing out in your head when you meet your partner? Hendrix reveals that you have two minds—an old brain, from where instinctual reactions emanate and where your history lies, and a conscious, alert new brain that interacts with your everyday, present life.
As a result of his research, Hendrix created a therapy he calls Imago Relationship Therapy. In it, he combines behavioral sciences, depth psychology, cognitive therapy, and Gestalt therapy, among other disciplines.
Why will your old brain choose to invite him or her into your life? Confusing your partner for your primary caretakers, your old brain selected someone to heal any residual emotional or physical damage experienced in your childhood.
Healing Childhood Wounds
When you approach someone, your old brain kicks into action and makes decisions. Your old brain is desperate to heal childhood wounds. Its awareness of the outside world is limited, so it recreates an environment, going back to the scene of the crime to heal these wounds by attracting a partner with the positive or negative traits of your caretakers. Of the process, Hendrix stated, “Having received enough nurturing to survive, but not enough to feel satisfied, it is attempting to return to the scene of your original frustration so that you could resolve your unfinished business.”
The premise behind imago therapy is you attract people into your life with an opportunity to heal yourself and your partner.
Accepting the responsibility for healing your old wounds will allow you to attract a healthier partner and create and sustain a conscious and healthy long-term relationship.
The Relationship Suite
We are a group of skilled therapists specializing in relationship counseling. We provide individual and couples therapy. To find out more about Relationship Counseling CLICK HERE.
Contact Us at HERE for a complimentary consultation.
