How to Survive & Thrive When You’re Suddenly Single

If you are adjusting to being single after a considerable amount of time in a marriage or long-term relationship, the transition may be taking a toll on you. Regardless of how amicable the breakup has been, the changes in your life and lifestyle may be difficult. The upset in your mind and body may feel overwhelming.

It takes time to adjust to not being part of a couple and to not having your life connected to theirs. From there, it also takes time to adjust to the idea of being single, your own entity on your own path forward.

As you move through both seasons of singleness,  you accomplish two things. First,  you survive the breakup, process the past, and recover your ability to stand alone. Second, you embrace your freedom and thrive, knowing you’ve done the tough emotional work of fully releasing your former life.

Though it seems daunting now and you may want to skip ahead to more pleasant feelings, resist that urge. You can do both seasons well, even if you feel anxious at first. You just need a ton of self-compassion, support, and a plan. Consider the following suggestions to help you forge ahead:

Acceptance is key in any difficult transition

It’s hard to move forward if you don’t allow yourself to let go. Admit that your relationship has run its course and resist the temptation to hold on to the past. Practically that means disengaging on social media, agreeing to friendship too early, and dating too soon. Take time to process the loss and accept your current situation as step one to a new phase in your life. Feel all the feelings and express them productively. You have a right to be sad, denying that and moving on too quickly will just lead to emotional confusion later. If you feel stuck, it may be useful to meet with a counselor to help process what’s happened.

Take good care of yourself  

Self–care is not optional when you’re hurting. It’s imperative. Depending on your situation, you may be suffering or you may be celebrating. Regardless, something significant is happening in your mind and body. Notice the thoughts and sensations. Recognize the highs and lows. Slow down and determine your needs.

Do you need quiet and relaxation? Or are you soothed by healthy touches like hugs from loved ones or a massage? The idea is to acknowledge what is good for you and be kind to yourself. As much as you are able, clear away extraneous stress, unsupportive, and poor coping mechanisms. people and activities. Exercise for the feel-good endorphins released and sound sleep. Nourish and hydrate your body for mental clarity. You deserve to feel your best.

Resist being a rebounder

Again, you don’t want to bounce back,  you want to bounce forward into a new future. A satisfying relationship in the future means you won’t be throwing all of yourself and baggage into it. Greet new love free and unencumbered. Instead, look to solidify relationships with people you may have lost contact with or those who know you well already.

Take it easy, enjoy loved ones, and let them love you. Only when you are fully healed, it will be time to get back to dating.

It’s okay to have a bit of an identity crisis

Do take the word “crisis” lightly. Rather, think of this period as a time to get honest about who you were in the relationship and the personal sacrifices you made willingly and unwillingly. Take time to focus on who you are, journal what you’ve learned about yourself and how you operated in the relationship. Write down or share your goals for yourself and how you’d like to operate with a partner in the future.

You have a new opportunity to define, re-define or, simply remember your individual self.

If your identity was tightly woven into being a spouse or partner adjusting to being alone and paying attention to your own thoughts and self-image productively may take some time. Working with a therapist who can help you balance the positive and negative is very helpful at this point as well.

Seek guidance and support

Most of all, please know that there’s absolutely no shame in being single. The only unfortunate part of this journey would be missing the chance to love yourself through this transition. If you can do that, you can then attract the love and appreciation in a relationship you’ve always wanted when the time is right.

You are not alone! Lots of wonderful people are single for a variety of good reasons. You can come through this healthy and strong. Therapy can help you grieve productively and find your way meaningfully. We’re here to help.