Living with worry, dread, fear, and a loss of control takes a heavy toll on you. As with most of us, there are probably days when you just want to pour out the panic and upset to a loved one. Who doesn’t want to feel heard, find relief, and feel reassured?
Without a doubt, you should definitely feel loved and soothed by people who love you.
However, you should also know that just as anxiety takes a heavy toll on you, it can exact a similar toll on your connections if your anxiety is constant. To protect your relationships from destructive anxiety, slow down and consider how your anxiety is triggered and the way your relationships are affected. Try the following:
Ask yourself what you need and want: what is your anxiety telling you?
Self-awareness is the first order of business when anxiety is a persistent part of your life. Before you focus on how and why you don’t feel reassured by your relationships, look at why you need it. Is your discomfort linked to them or does it exist within you? Peel back the layers of your worry or need to control your environment. What trauma, heartbreak, negative self-talk, or difficult experience is triggering you?
Challenging your anxious thoughts is important for improved self-control. You may benefit from training your thinking with grounding exercises and mindfulness techniques. These can help slow down catastrophic thoughts and breakthrough unhelpful rumination. Of course, this isn’t easy to accomplish without support. working with a professional or support group may be a good first step toward developing insight and reliable coping skills.
Ask your loved ones or significant others what they need from you: how is anxiety coming between you?
Sometimes anxiety can be so consuming that the concerns of others are overshadowed. If you sense that your anxiety has hindered your ability to connect, you might want to ask yourself a few questions:
- How well do you ask about and consider the needs of those you care for most?
- Are your loved ones pulling away or exasperated by your worries, perfectionism, or controlling behavior?
- Have you heard and responded openly to observations regarding your anxiety?
You may find that a conversation about the relational demands associated with your anxiety is in order. Many anxious people become avoidant and control to cope with uncertainty. This can drive a wedge of resentment in a relationship or harm your partner’s self-esteem. Other anxious people become overdependent, constantly craving attention and reassurance. This can become aggravating and smothering to others over time. Either way, healthy interaction, and deeper connection are compromised.
So what’s an anxious person longing for lasting relationships to do? Face the anxiety productively and intentionally. When you do, your relationship partner and loved ones will likely appreciate your commitment and work with you to keep anxiety in check and your connections strong.
Ask a professional how to cope, manage, and recover: what efforts can help you manage anxiety for better relationships?
First, to start dealing with anxiety effectively, consider individual time with a therapist. This allows you the space and emotional safety to share and gain perspective on your concerns. A therapist has tools and treatment avenues to help you cope and reduce friction with others as you face your fears. When you have some clarity and improved emotional response, the way you relate to others will likely benefit too.
Second, if your significant other (or loved one) is willing, suggest couples or relationship therapy. You don’t have to wait until things are worse or you’re both completely worn out by the ill-effects of unchecked worry and fear. An objective third party is often the best solution to help break through a cycle of conflict, frustration and hurt feelings. Anxiety can be tough to understand from the outside, a therapist can help you share effectively and promote compassionate communication for you both.
When you’re ready, our counselors are experienced in helping couples work through anxiety and communication that may harm their relationship. Please read more about individual anxiety therapy and contact us today to set up an appointment.
The Relationship Suite
We are a group of skilled therapists specializing in couples/marriage counseling. Since Covid started we have been working with couples providing Online Couples Counseling in New York, New York City including Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn, Bronx, Staten Island, Long Island, South Hampton, East Hampton, Montauk. Schedule a complimentary consultation by clicking HERE.
Due to Covid, we are also providing Virtual Couples Counseling in New Jersey, Hoboken, Jersey City, Princeton, Chatham, Morris, Westfield, Union, Bergen County, Colts Neck, Tenafly. Schedule a complimentary consultation by clicking HERE.
