Have Common Relationship Challenges Impacted Your Partnership?
- Are you LGBTQIA+ and experiencing frequent disagreements or conflict in your relationship?
- Do you and your partner struggle with disconnection, infidelity, or a lack of intimacy?
- Are you in need of culturally competent support from a couples therapist who understands LGBTQ issues?
Perhaps your partnership looks very different from the one you envisioned for yourself, causing you to feel defeated and alienated. You and your partner may have difficulty overcoming conflict or communicating effectively. And like many other couples, you may be caught in a pattern of daily arguments or chronic silent treatments.
In fact, relationship expert Dr. John Gottman spent over a decade collecting data on LGBTQ couples and determined that same-sex partnerships experience the same obstacles as straight partnerships. His findings substantiate that all couples, regardless of sexual orientation, can benefit from customized, research-based counseling.
Whether navigating intimacy issues, exploring nonmonogamy, or dealing with the fallout of a betrayal, relationship challenges can create stress, anxiety, and disconnection for any couple. And if you already have to contend with identity-specific struggles, these setbacks in your relationship are likely to exacerbate your symptoms further.
Fortunately, LGBTQ couples counseling at The Relationship Suite in New York City and New Jersey is designed to offer your unique partnership healing, insight, and opportunities to deepen your bond.
All Of Us Bring Unconscious Expectations And Past Hurts Into Our Relationships
Though you may try to avoid counterproductive or painful patterns from your past, the truth is that you and your partner are both affected by the relationship models you grew up with.
All of us learn how to communicate and navigate conflict from early experiences. As we developed and watched our family members navigate—or perhaps avoid—conflict, we gained an understanding of interpersonal relationships. Those early experiences also shaped our expectations of others and how we deal with difficult emotions.
For example, if you had a parent who was generally distant, but prone to exploding in anger at the first sign of conflict, you probably learned that conflict is frightening or dangerous. As a result, you might not always feel safe expressing your needs, thoughts, and feelings. These emotions inevitably build until the slightest misunderstanding causes us to lash out at our partners.
Maybe our partner had a similar upbringing, or maybe they grew up with emotionally expressive parents. If this is the case, they might not fully understand why we don’t want to talk about emotions or how we handle conflict. And so, as we try to navigate these very different ways of relating, we can get caught in a cycle of lashing out and shutting down.
Queer Individuals Can Encounter Additional Obstacles In Relationships
Being LGBTQ can further complicate existing issues. Beyond the relationship models established by your family-of-origin, you may have also experienced shame and rejection as a result of your coming out.
Because of this, you may not feel fully safe or secure in your partnership, leading to avoidant or damaging behaviors. Instead of responding to what is actually being said during times of conflict, you and your partner may communicate from places of old hurt and pain.
Whether or not you’re aware of the influences that have shaped your connection, you and your partner maintain a unique bond and have different individual wants and needs. By using LGBTQ couples counseling to identify the source of your relationship issues and remove communication barriers, you can find lasting intimacy with your partner.
LGBTQ Couples Counseling Honors Your Unique Individual And Relationship Experiences
At The Relationship Suite, our practice in New York and New Jersey is strengths-based and solution-oriented. This means that we take the time to get to know you and your partner—alongside your relationship and its foundations—to tailor a treatment plan that will align with your needs and goals for counseling.
Our clinicians in New York City and New Jersey create a safe, nonjudgmental atmosphere where you and your partner can join forces to explore your conflict and emotions. As we coach you to overcome negative patterns and communicate more effectively, you and your partner can develop greater empathy for one another.
Therapy For LGBTQ Couples At The Relationship Suite
Once we identify the core issue, the door can be opened to explore conflict in a respectful, productive way. Our clinicians will use sessions to coach you on understanding—rather than blaming—one another as you foster mutual empathy. During this time, you will also have opportunities to practice new communication strategies that will help you feel heard and understood when discussing sensitive topics or LGBTQ-specific issues.
While we use elements of Dr. Gottman’s approach to counseling (otherwise known as The Gottman Method for Couples Therapy), we also maintain extensive training in emotion-focused techniques and Imago Therapy. These counseling approaches are particularly useful for our LGBTQ couples in facilitating a sense of closeness and security as they identify and understand their emotions.
The ultimate goal of LGBTQ couples therapy is to help you gain insight into your reactions and behaviors within the context of your relationship. As you become more vulnerable and assertive with one another, you can develop lasting, practical solutions that will contribute to a new sense of physical and emotional intimacy between you and your partner.
It is never too late to seek guidance. Our team of therapists in New York and New Jersey has helped hundreds of same-sex couples make meaningful relationship changes and re-establish a strong connection in counseling. By working with a skilled and empathetic clinician in LGBTQ couples counseling, you can strengthen and rebuild your relationship.
Maybe It’s Time For You And Your Partner To Go To LGBTQ Couples Therapy, But You Still Have Some Concerns… 
I’m worried our therapist will take sides in LGBTQ couples counseling.
As couples therapists, it’s our job to be objective and nonjudgmental. Taking sides ultimately hurts the relationship, and we are invested in the health and success of your partnership.
Therefore, we create a welcoming, culturally aware atmosphere for each partner to share their experience. Rather than assigning blame, we will encourage honesty, empathy, communication, and a sense of balance throughout our sessions together.
I don’t think I can get my partner to agree to therapy.
It’s not uncommon for one partner to be ambivalent about the idea of couples counseling. And while we believe that LGBTQ couples therapy is most effective when both partners are present, it’s possible to make progress if only one partner is willing to participate.
Working on individual issues in counseling can help you process your experiences and adjust your emotional response. By committing to this work, you’re likely to find that the overall tone of your interactions and relationship will improve. This may even inspire your partner to want to make positive changes, too.
The growth in counseling gives you a chance to present your best self to your partner. This, in turn, will help your relationship to move forward and find lasting harmony.
What if counseling causes us to realize that we shouldn’t be together?
It is ultimately up to you how you and your partner decide to move forward with your relationship. Though our clinicians are here to offer a healing perspective and improve your communication, we will not weigh in on whether or not you should stay in the relationship.
Instead, you can use LGBTQ couples counseling sessions to explore and identify your deepest wants and needs. In doing so, you may determine that it’s time for you and your partner to go your separate ways.
By developing your skill sets in therapy, you can ensure that the breakup is intentional, amicable, and productive. And by learning more about yourself and how you operate in relationships, you’ll be empowered and aware to attract healthy relationships in the future.
You Can Overcome Relationship Hurdles—Together
You Can Overcome Relationship Hurdles—Together if you are in a same-sex relationship that is struggling, the culturally aware and empathetic clinicians at The Relationship Suite can offer healing and perspective in LGBTQ couples counseling.
To schedule a free, 20-minute consultation with one of our LGBTQ counselors in New York City or New Jersey, please call (917) 273 – 8836 or contact us via our site or contact us via our site.
