Here you go again. One minute you’re in a starry eyed, lovey-dovey mood with your spouse and the next, you’re in an argument (or at least that’s how it feels). You’ve heard fighting in marriage is normal, but this? This doesn’t feel like your definition of marital bliss.

Talk to any couple and you’ll hear stories of bickering over seemingly silly issues.

  • He too busy and doesn’t pay mention to me as much!
  • He never takes me out to dinner anymore!
  • She always makes a mess in the bathroom!
  • He didn’t empty the dryer and put his clothes away!

Yes, every couple fights. But when you’re mid-scuffle, you might find yourself wondering, is this normal?

Fighting About the In-Laws

You don’t get to choose your future family. Love ‘em or not, they come as part of the package when you say your I Dos.

It’s normal to have a few misunderstandings with your Mother in law or Father in law – especially if you’re spending holidays with them. 

You need to be concerned when those misunderstandings escalate to a point where you can’t stand being around them. Your spouse shouldn’t have to choose between you or his/her family. It’s not healthy if there’s resentment between you and the in-laws, it’s time to have a serious conversation about how to nip it in the bud.

Fighting About Sex

Not having sex as often as you used to? Is your spouse not initiating enough affection?

It’s normal for your sex life to dwindle over time. Most people do not have the same fiery intimacy as when you first started dating.

You need to be concerned when you’re no longer in sync. Talk about the frequency and actively explore ways to spice things up again. The physical attraction was there at one point. With a little dose of communication, you’ll find it again.

Fighting About Finances

Money has a tendency to put a strain on relationships. If your spending habits aren’t the same (and they rarely are in marriages), chances are you’re bickering about it.

It’s normal to have different items that you want to spend your money on.

You need to be concerned when it makes you deeply uncomfortable. Fighting should never become disrespectful. If your spending forces you to hide your purchases because you fear being resented by your spouse, it’s time for a talk.

Fighting About Time With Friends

You’ve committed yourself to your spouse for the rest of your life, so what’s the harm in spending some time with friends?

It’s normal for couples to spend time apart. Going out with friends is refreshing and keeps you rooted. Having one night a week with friends is healthy.

You need to be concerned when you start to spend increasingly less time.  The bulk of your free time should be spent with your spouse. If it’s not, and it’s making your spouse uncomfortable, there might be a deeper issue at stake.

The Solution

The solution to any fight in marriage is communication. Although it sounds simple on the surface, expressing your feelings isn’t easy. You might not know why you’re feeling a certain way – you just know you aren’t feeling connected.

Ready to for a communication strategy to help you create a healthier marriage. Kickstart your improved communication with this FREE audio lesson from relationship psychotherapist, Rachel Moheban-Wachtel.

To find out more about my services click here: Couples Counseling