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Does this sound familiar? It’s a Saturday night. You’ve had a wonderful day with your husband running errands, going out to eat and seeing a show. When you get home, you’re exhausted! It’s time for bed, but there’s just one problem – your husband wants to be intimate before you go to sleep. This is a common occurrence for many of my clients. One partner has a higher sex drive than the other. It puts tension on a relationship. • Is something wrong with me? “Your libido and colloquially sex drive, is a person’s overall sexual drive or desire for sexual activity,” according to Wikipedia. It’s determined by biological, psychological and social factors. Some studies show that men have stronger sex drives than women. One reason for this might be because women are more complex. They’re deeply affected by social and cultural factors, which makes it harder to get as turned on as easily as men. When it puts a wedge in your marriage, the partner with the higher sex drive could feel deprived. This was the case for one subscriber, Jeremy. He writes: “I have been with my partner for five years. We live together and are compatible in most ways except sexually. She has a weaker libido and I am the one who constantly has to initiate sex. She always responds to me with ‘I am tired and not feeling well.’ We have spoken about this issue several times and she states that she is happy with having sex once a month. That is not enough sex for me and I am concerned that I am growing resentful toward her. Can you give me relationship advice on ways I could cope and feel more sexually satisfied with my partner?” |
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My advice: Find a sexual rhythm that works for both of you. Or, if that’s a challenge, the new FDA approved drug Addyi might be a possible solution for you and your partner. Open communication and compromise is important in this situation. Even though he might feel more sexual, there are ways his partner can satisfy him without putting her own needs aside. The first step is to open the doors of communication. How well does Jeremy know about his partner’s turn-ons? Finding creative ways to spice up their relationship might bring out the psychological and social turn-ons for his partner. I also suggest scheduling intimacy. Although it might feel at little too regimented, it’s a great way to set up the expectation and plan time to connect. If neither of those work, I suggest trying the new drug called Addyi. This is the equivalent of Viagra for men. Addyi is the first drug approved to treat a flagging or absent libido for either men or women. Experts say, “this is the biggest break through for women’s sexual health since the pill.” The FDA says, “the drug was approved for women whose loss of sexual desire causes marked distress or interpersonal difficulty and is not the result of illness, relationship problems, or side effects of other medicine.” The drugs available are intended to treat certain deficiencies – not increase desire. With this balance, you too can rekindle the intimacy in your relationship. I want to hear from you! Hit reply and let me know what you think about Addyi. Is it something you’d try if your sexual appetite isn’t on par with your partner’s? If you are looking for an effective strategy to improve intimacy in your relationship, CLICK HERE To find out more about my services click here: Couples Counseling |
