PTSD Counseling NYC: Too Hurt to Break Free? Understanding the Unsafe Cycle of Trauma Bonds
What is a trauma bond? Are you living through one? How do you know? Over twenty years ago, Patrick Carnes coined the term “trauma bond.” He described it as the “dysfunctional attachment that occurs in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation.”
Essentially, a perpetual cycle of abuse and remorse fosters an unhealthy psychological response. Over time, victims of trauma must find ways to survive and maintain some level of hope. Unsurprisingly, if you experienced incest, child abuse, domestic violence, kidnapping, or trafficking, trauma bonds occur.
But what about situations that are far less obvious? Trauma bonds happen in commonplace and subtle ways too. It’s then that the bonds can go deeper and last longer simply because they are harder to see clearly.
Thus, it’s important to resist the urge to blame yourself or feel ashamed. Instead, dedicate some time to understanding how trauma bonds occur and use that knowledge to start creating a safer emotional life and healthier connections.
You are not alone and you don’t have to settle for dysfunctional “love.”
PTSD Counseling NYC: So, What Is A Trauma Bond Exactly?
Put simply, trauma bonding is a dedication to a toxic, destructive, or abusive person. Often, such a bond happens in an intimate relationship but many people are trauma bonded to members of their families, stepfamilies, and more.
Look at the patterns in your interactions. Is your relationship characterized by neglect or emotional damage coupled with an unpredictable thread of positive reinforcement?
Trauma bonds are marked by broken promises, denial, and inconsistent support. If your relationship interactions tend to be intense and tough to take, minimal moments of care and concern may feel like a reason to stay connected. This distorts what healthy connection really is and only deepens your trauma.
PTSD Counseling NYC: What Does Trauma Bonding Look Like?
Not sure if your relationship is really a trauma bond? Consider these signs of trouble:
- The relationship is constantly kept off-balance. Do you feel confused, and desperate for love? The person you’re connected to may be controlling your connection with one or more of the following:
- Gaslighting
- Manipulation
- Isolating the victims from their support system
- Humiliation
- Control of decision-making
- Intimidation, threats, and violence
- Promises don’t amount to much. Attempts to leave or grow are met with unfulfilled promises that your partner will change. Yet, you cling, choosing to believe them again and again.
- Highlighting happy times is a habit. You focus intently on the infrequent good times in your relationship. You may muse these instances to defend your relationship to yourself and others. You also hide the bad times and make excuses routinely.
- Your loved ones are over it. How do others react to your situation? The trauma you’re living is so chronic that you’re numb to the way you’re being treated. You find that your friends and family are frustrated by your inability to disconnect.
- Isolation is self-inflicted. You hide, or worse, more firmly attach yourself to the problem person to avoid the criticism, advice, or concern of loved ones.
- The damaging conflict is ongoing. No matter how many times you argue, there’s no resolution and little peace.
- Empowerment is waning. Do you appease your partner constantly? Are you continually suppressing your own needs and opinions? If so, you likely live with a significant power imbalance in your relationship. You may also feel deserving of abuse and quite hopeless, sensing no ability to really change anything.
- Cutting ties feels like cutting off oxygen. Even if you’ve tried to leave the relationship, you go back. It hurts too much to stay away.
PTSD Counseling NYC: Do Trauma Bonds Affect You Physically?
Yes. It’s important to not overlook the fact that trauma lives in the body. It creates physical stress, strain, tension, and upset. Therefore, it may be no surprise to you that trauma bonding wreaks similar havoc on your nervous system.
In fact, there is a hormonal component to trauma bonding. Essentially, dopamine is a bonding hormone that floods your system and bonds you to whomever or whatever elicits pleasure. This can make severing unhealthy ties extremely difficult, creating an almost addictive connection.
In the case of a trauma bond with an abusive, narcissistic, or otherwise unhealthy partner, kindness, and loving and supportive behavior are offered for short, unpredictable durations. For just a little while, all is well. But the high of closeness and good feelings don’t last. Eventually, the dopamine flow is cut off by your partner’s return to harmful interaction.
As a result, you’re stuck, longing for more positive attention and the next dopamine rush.
How to Break Trauma Bonds For Good with PTSD Counseling NYC
Make no mistake, the daily struggle to break away and stay away is real. To emotionally survive the trauma bond and recover well, a compassionate therapist with experience in both trauma and relationships is ideal.
The trauma inflicted by someone you love is difficult but not a sentence you must endure. You can break free. You can learn to love yourself and learn how to recognize who and what is good for you again. We are here to help.
Committing to your own mental healthcare is an invaluable gift to your adult relationships and your wellbeing.
Are you ready to deal with your trauma and move forward? Please reach out, we’re ready when you are. We have the experience to support trauma sufferers. Please read more about PTSD therapy and contact us for support soon. You can feel better and live well.
To learn more about our Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Treatment services, click here.
If you’re struggling, call 917-273-8836 or contact us for a complimentary consultation to learn more about counseling in NYC and how we can help you.
