In the hurry-hurry, rush-rush, accomplish-more world we live in, the time required to maintain strong friendships can feel like an improbable endeavor. It’s tough enough to find and secure a viable date. How can you prioritize friendship too?
After all, aren’t there plenty of people in our adult lives? People at work. People on the street. People who need us. People, who demand so much mental and emotional energy already?
Yes! That’s exactly the point. There is a world of people who ask for attention, depend on you, and drain you. The beauty of a close, healthy friendship, however, is that it helps you put those other connections in perspective. It may even get you closer to finding love that lasts.
How? Well, first and foremost, a good friend serves as a companion, they care and cheer you on. They comfort you when your world of daily interactions becomes challenging or conflicted. A committed friend reassures you when the world questions you or makes you question yourself. And when it comes to love, good friends are often eyes on the ground when your heart is floating toward a new dating partner, helping you make wise decisions.
As Vincent Van Gough once put it,
“Close friends are truly life’s treasures. Sometimes they know us better than we know ourselves. With gentle honesty, they are there to guide and support us, to share our laughter and our tears. Their presence reminds us that we are never really alone.”
Relationship Counseling NYC: The Impact of Life without Real Friends
Perhaps you’re not convinced that friendships are a “treasure”. Maybe you came through your childhood (or, more recently, the pandemic) with few connections and felt just fine on your own. Or maybe you worry that you aren’t great friendship material and don’t want to risk rejection. Or it’s possible that close relationships just don’t feel safe.
That’s okay. Many people are introverts, anxious about connecting on a deep level, survivors of relationship trauma, or all of the above. You always get to decide who enters and remains in your life.
However, consider too, that researchers and experts in relationship counseling agree that people are built to belong. We are social. We need each other. Well before we seek romance, we seek partners that see, hear and pursue us in ways that only good friends can. When we don’t meet that need, the void often manifests as longing and loneliness.
To be clear, loneliness isn’t the same as chosen isolation or periods of solitude. It’s that sense that something meaningful is missing due to the lack of connection. It takes a toll. Strong friendships can often put the longing for connection in perspective. If you find yourself trying to ward off loneliness with a series of ill-fated romantic connections, consider the benefits of friendship first.
Relationship Counseling NYC: How Strong Friendships Soothe and Support You Everyday
It’s true, close friendship takes time, and a certain amount of tenacity, for adults. Even a kindred spirit requires the effort of routine engagement. Yet, our lives behind so many screens suggest authentic real-world connections can feel really good right now.
Why? Healthy friendships help prevent unhealthy habits, depression, and anxiety that can result from loneliness, workaholic behavior, and chronic social disengagement. They give you the opportunity to belong; inviting mutual respect, sharing, forgiveness, and more.
A good friend can offer allyship, encouragement, perspective, and refuge too. This can effectively fend off stress, improve impaired sleep, and temper problems with executive function. Additionally, cognitive decline, poor self-image, as well as stress-induced health issues can be avoided by soothing knowledge that at least one person knows and cares about you. These benefits are all invaluable to your mental health.
Perhaps best of all, strong friendship holds you accountable. Having shared your values and goals with each other, you’re better able to articulate your wants and needs without feeling judged. A good friend asks questions and challenges each other when your choices and values don’t align. This can be invaluable when one or both of you are navigating the dating scene.
Healthy friendship gives you a chance to know and be known. Whether you are building or boosting a friendship, consider it necessary self-care.
Relationship Counseling NYC: 5 Ways to Secure Strong Friendships
1. Let go of friendships past.
As always, this is easier said than done. Your past may have given you a reason to be suspicious, aloof, or timid regarding friendship. Yet, you don’t have to limit yourself to those perspectives. Relationship counseling can help you explore the life lessons of past connections, and move forward with clarity and an open mind.
2. Communicate honesty and vulnerability.
Just like dating relationships, friendship requires a willingness to be who you are. Connections that start out genuine and real are the most rewarding. Authenticity and sharing your emotions honestly is vital for trust-building and growth.
3. Value your friend’s expertise.
Appreciation always endears you to people. When pursuing or deepening a friendship, a genuine desire to know what they know makes a person feel like you value them. There’s a certain humility and sense of community that’s created. You’ll likely find that they will seek out your knowledge and advice too.
4. Carve out routine catch-up time.
Stay curious and consistent. Life gets busy. Scheduling and honoring appointments with a friend communicates that they matter and creates a habit of putting relationships first.
5. Get together for real-world adventure.
To cement a friendship, try to ease up on electronic interaction. Instead, choose something you have in common and plan a coordinating activity. Or do something completely novel. The idea is to start building your own cache of friendship memories and inside jokes that generate opportunities to bond.
And who knows? While you’re out you might just expand your friendship circle and create more connections too. Friendship often draws others toward it. You may find that you and your friend attract romantic connections naturally, as others see you living and interacting joyfully.
Relationship Counseling NYC: Strong Friendships Start with You
Does it still seem too awkward to rekindle a fizzling friendship or ask an associate to meet up after work? Do you still feel like you don’t have the time to devote to any who isn’t on a dating app? You deserve friendship if you want it.
Consider relationship counseling as a path to assessing your relationship needs and improving relationship skills. Talk about the strong friendship(s) you deserve and develop relationship goals with someone who can support you. Start by reaching out for a consultation.
Learn more about our Relationship Counseling counseling services for help.
The Relationship Suite
We’re a group of skilled therapists specializing in relationship counseling. We provide individual and couples therapy. To find out more about Relationship Counseling NYC CLICK HERE.
Since Covid, we have been working with couples via Online Counseling in New York, and New York City including Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn, Bronx, Staten Island, Westchester, Long Island, Port Washington, Roslyn, Manhasset, South Hampton, East Hampton, and Montauk. To schedule a complimentary consultation, click HERE.
We also provide Virtual Counseling in New Jersey, Hoboken, Jersey City, Princeton, Chatham, Morris, Westfield, Union, Bergen County, Colts Neck, and Tenafly. Schedule a complimentary consultation by clicking HERE.
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