Relationship Counseling NYC: Lessons to Learn From the “One That Got Away”
Long-lost loves and the ones that got away. They are the partners that slipped through our fingers and still make us wonder what could have been. Whether it’s been a short while or years have passed, it is easy to glorify the good times and forget why things fell apart.
Yet, it’s important to remember that relationships die for some very important reasons. Romantic memories can override reality and easily keep you stuck in an edited version of the past. You don’t want nostalgia to keep you emotionally tied to someone out of reach or keep you from fully loving someone new. Worse, you don’t want that lost love to make you doubt yourself or your own lovability.
Therefore, despite your regrets and fond recollections, it’s important to keep “the one that got away” in perspective. Consider that experience to be a less irreconcilable failure and a more valuable learning opportunity. You can cherish the good times, learn, and grow from the tough loss.
Relationship Counseling NYC: 6 Tips to Help You Cope with the One Who Got Away
1. Clear up Your Rose-colored Recall
Can you pinpoint how the relationship worked and didn’t work? In other words, did your ex “get away” or were they unwilling to work things out? Did they leave you or were you both unable to stay in a situation that didn’t serve you mutually? Even if you were the one who didn’t put forth the effort, why weren’t you ready back then?
Try writing it all down. Create an accurate picture of what transpired and why it ended. Writing also helps reveal who you were and are now. Would a return to that relationship benefit you today?
2. Don’t Let Tech Keep You Stuck in the Past
In our technological age, it’s difficult to leave the past behind us. Social media routinely takes back to special moments and encourages us to reach out to people we’ve known or to whom we have connections. Photos, posts, and music can trigger a desire to reminisce and ruminate unhelpfully.
To move on from the one who got away, give up any focus on their web presence. Wean yourself off of their social media platforms, detach from group texts or emails as much as possible, and resist any tech connection that leaves you wanting to reach out or check-up for “old-times sake.”
3. Embrace Acceptance Instead of Avoidance
Are you anxious about love and relationships now? Do you feel less secure about choosing the right companion because of your one-that-got-away experience? Shaken confidence and a measure of anxiety aren’t at all uncommon. If you believe your loss is avoidable, you might even suppose the best way to recover is to bury it and avoid thoughts or emotions related to that person at all.
Yet, this isn’t fair to you and your own happiness. In fact, denying the existence of the relationship keeps you from fully processing your relationship past. Worse, it keeps you burdened by the sense that you are still not quite over it and self-sabotage in new relationships.
4. Do What You Can to Stay Present
Being mindful of your current life and emotions helps bygones to stay gone. Develop a practice of tuning into today’s relationships, goals, and challenges. This can keep you from delving too deep into the past and unproductive regret.
Ruminating about past losses doesn’t bring your future into focus. If you aren’t careful to appreciate the here and now, anxiety, depression, and physical upset can cause more problems for you.
5. Recognize that Growth is Often the Gift of Lost Love
Movies and pop culture tend to hype the second time- around love stories. We are all encouraged to believe that returning to an old flame is the path to true love. Unfortunately, reality isn’t so kind for many couples struggling to make reconciliation work. Why? Time marches on, but old relationship problems die hard.
So, perhaps some consolation for losing a person you thought was the one is the personal growth you gain.
Relationship Counseling NYC: Seek Support to Heal Completely
Remember, healing completely from a lost relationship takes time. It’s a process. If you think you never quite processed key relationships or grief consider relationship therapy. Let us help you let go and look ahead.
Please learn more about our Relationship Counseling services. We are here to help.
The Relationship Suite
We are a group of skilled therapists specializing in individual and couples counseling. We work with couples both in person and Online in New York, and New York City including Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn, Bronx, Staten Island, Long Island, Port Washington, Manhasset, Roslyn, South Hampton, East Hampton, and Montauk. To schedule a complimentary consultation, click HERE.
We also provide Virtual Counseling in New Jersey, Hoboken, Jersey City, Princeton, Chatham, Morris, Westfield, Union, Bergen County, Colts Neck, and Tenafly. Schedule a complimentary consultation by clicking HERE.
