Tend to Move Too Fast? Tips for Easing Up & Connecting More from Relationship Counseling NYC

We all want to be loved. It’s natural, totally normal, and a perfectly healthy desire. As a result, you may find yourself agreeing to more than your share of blind dates. Or swiping through dating apps until something (or someone) promising clicks. 

So, it’s no wonder that, when you do connect with someone great, you might be tempted to skip months of learning more about each other and rush toward a serious relationship. Unfortunately, this approach rarely goes according to plan. In fact, many singles discover that moving too fast leads to uncertainty, anxiety, regret, and resentment that very well could have been avoided.

After all, it’s disheartening to find that you and your dating partner have already swapped iPhone passwords, bonded with each other’s family members, or even decided to move in together, before admitting that you might have gotten ahead of yourselves. 

But don’t beat yourself up. All is not lost. If you tend to fast forward through the initial phases of a promising dating relationship, you can turn things around. How? With some self-examination, curiosity, improved communication, and support. Let’s look at why slowing down matters and how to cultivate a promising connection well.

Relationship Counseling NYC: Why Putting A Rush On Your Relationship Can Be Problematic

Moving too fast usually happens when the physical and emotional chemistry you feel is at its peak. The draw you feel to each other is undoubtedly powerful. Unfortunately, it’s also temporary. Often called the honeymoon phase of a relationship, it can deceive you into thinking that you’ll always connect this way. 

Solid relationships need more than excitement and emotion to navigate what lies ahead. Viewing the early euphoria as a sign that you should make life-changing choices can cause significant problems between you sooner rather than later. 

As you start to face the differences and flaws that beset every relationship, confusion and conflict can disrupt your life in very real ways. Ultimately, you may find that the relationship becomes too unstable to last and your self-esteem takes a damaging hit.

Relationship Counseling NYC: Why “Maybe We Should Slow Down” Is a Really Romantic Thing to Say

Unsurprisingly, we can get it in our heads that the convenience of swiping our way into connections also means real partnership can be achieved just as easily. So, meeting someone great online might lead you to believe that the foundation for a relationship is already built in and you should speed ahead. If your feelings are intense, slowing yourself down isn’t easy. 

To be clear, this isn’t a call to throw a wet blanket on the delight of a new connection. Instead, it’s an encouragement to draw that enjoyment out and tune into each other. Time and share your thoughts appropriately. Embrace the idea of building a body of knowledge about your dating partner. Be curious and patient. 

This is particularly important if your tendency toward a quick-moving relationship isn’t necessarily your dating partner’s tendency. Just because you are sharing your whole heart during the first few dates, constantly texting during the day, and introducing them to your parents doesn’t necessarily mean you’re both on the same page.

Is your speedy effort really reciprocated?

Do you really know each other? Are you intentionally making space for the natural flow of healthy time away and voluntary reunion? 

If your relationship feels like a whirlwind, it may not be a good thing for both of you. This can lead to trouble when it’s time to settle into genuine communication. It’s okay to slow down and find out how you both want to pace the relationship. 

Simply sharing that you want to get to know your potential partner is endearing, romantic, and more than a little sexy. It communicates that you want more than to just create a relationship. You actually want to see and hear who your partner is and discover how you naturally interact with each other. 

A willingness to slow down makes space for authenticity and honesty, great building blocks for a deeper connection.

Relationship Counseling NYC: How You Can Ease Up & Connect More When You’re Dating Someone Great

Tap your emotional brakes to avoid a premature breakup

Look at what’s going on internally. What anxieties or thought patterns drive you to rush through the early phases of a relationship? Do you need to deal with unresolved hurt or pain from your early relationships or childhood? 

However, don’t make relationship decisions out of fear, desperation, or insecurity. The best thing you can offer a potential partner is the confidence to move forward carefully and honestly. Avoid any attempt to manipulate or control your future together. Communicate that the connection matters to you. What matters most is that it is built intentionally and honestly.

What does that look like practically? 

Seek relationship counseling early to make the most of slowing down

Lasting love really does take time. Relationships really do require work. Despite what rom-coms and reality TV tell us, it’s wise to walk a healthy, thoughtful path toward someone amazing with guidance and support. 

The Relationship Suite

Relationship counseling can make dating much more productive and far less daunting. With help, you can uncover relationship obstacles and discover what you want from yourself and your future partner.

If you have other difficulties navigating dating and relationships and want to learn more about how to have a healthy connection, please  Contact Us at The Relationship Suite. We help you identify and work through whatever is getting in the way of finding peace, comfort, and lasting forgiveness.