A solid, strong relationship is the goal of most couples. Taking the time to learn about each other and meet each other’s needs is part of the journey. As you and your significant other grow together, there are certain skills that further bond you. One reliable and effective relationship skill is the art of validation.
What does validation look like in a committed relationship? It surpasses niceness or politeness, although these shouldn’t be ignored. Essentially, validation honors the prioritized position you hold in each other’s lives. What does this mean?
Validation makes a point of
- ensuring your partner feels heard.
- assuring that your partner knows they are understood.
- affirming your partner with unconditional acceptance.
Clearly, effective validation openly recognizes your partner’s value. This practice cannot be overstated.
Why Validating Your Partner Matters
Validation communicates to your partner how important they are to you. Showing your support in this way fosters depth, closeness, and intimacy in your connection. Your ability to convey both their individual importance and how highly they are valued in your relationship has the power to boost relationship satisfaction and cement your connection.
This is comforting in a close relationship and powerful when there is distance between you. How?
Validation helps manage emotions & stimulates healthy communication.
Emotionally-charged situations happen. Yet, a couple who validates each other has less trouble with out-of-control or damaging interaction. Why? A validated person experiences less emotional intensity. The need to defend and lash out is tempered. Instead, partner’s want to open up and communicate more clearly to preserve the connection.
Validation promotes acceptance & builds trust
Simply acknowledging the reality and importance of your partner’s feelings (regardless of whether you agree) is crucial. Being given the space to feel and express emotions without fear of judgment or retaliation is an important cornerstone of vulnerability and intimacy. Genuine, unselfish interest in knowing how your partner thinks and feels is gratifying and a sign that your desire to know them is sincere.
Validation encourages compassion and understanding.
Being dismissive can fuel stress, negativity, or resentment in a relationship. Empathetic sensitivity to your partner is soothing and satisfying. This is key to a partner looking to be reassured that they count in the relationship.
Validation promotes personal insight.
Giving your partner your full attention and appreciation reveals parts of yourself that only your partner can expose. By validating them, you promote an authentic exchange of perspectives and ideas. As a result, you may notice personal actions and reactions that cause you to explore yourself and your beliefs in new ways.
How to Validate Your Partner Well
Acknowledge Your Partner’s Feelings
Even in healthy relationships, partners can mistakenly discount each other’s emotions. Have you accused each other of being “dramatic”, “ridiculous,” or “too emotional?” Or, perhaps you’ve insinuated that your partner isn’t emotional enough. Communicating that your partner’s expressed emotions are somehow wrong communicates that their feelings don’t matter or measure up to your standards.
It’s validating to honor what they are sharing with you. Then, they feel less pressure to defend or explain their emotions. Their feelings are important to you simply because they are experiencing them. Sharing this improves emotional safety and honesty between you.
Encourage Your Partner’s Goals and Dreams
When you validate your partner, you communicate that you believe in their abilities and gifts. You affirm that they have the tools, integrity, and support to meet their goals. A willingness to engage in your mutual passions and pursuits promotes a sense of belonging and shared purpose that knits you closely together, succeed or fail.
Practice Active Listening
Active listening is key to creating an open, understanding environment between you. Listening this way means speaking less and hearing your partner more. Breathe deeply, slow your own thoughts, and absorb what they share.
Active listening places your focus squarely upon your partner. Thereby, you show that you
- are interested in your partner’s challenges and victories.
- remain a team player, ready to help your partner problem-solve and navigate tough issues.
- focus less on what is going on inside of your own head and want your partner to share and feel heard.
Essentially, do your best to pay attention to what your partner wants you to know. Genuinely summarize their thoughts, and reflect on them without interruption or judgment.You can help stimulate a productive dialogue along by asking open-ended questions and making brief, supportive comments or gestures as you listen.
What to Do Next
A healthy relationship supports the self-esteem, confidence, and happiness of both partners. Validation is a big part of meeting those aims. Generally, validation acknowledges and accepts your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as worthwhile and understandable.
If you sense that a measure of neglect or avoidance, unproductive communication, or unresolved issues compromise your ability to validate each other, couples counseling can help turn things around.
