Couples Substance Use Recovery Counseling NYC: How to Recover When Financial Infidelity Damages Your Connection
Finances are a serious matter in a relationship. Trying to navigate the sharing, spending, and saving of funds together is no easy task. For most couples, personal feelings regarding trust, freedom, and security are deeply tied to money. Thus, financial trust and cooperation are vital parts of managing and designing your future well as a team.
So, what happens when monetary dishonesty comes between you and your partner? What if substance use led one of you to compromise your joint finances and keep secrets even during recovery?
Well, then you may be dealing with financial infidelity and things can get confusing, contentious, and emotionally distressing in a hurry.
Couples Substance Use Recovery Counseling NYC: Financial Infidelity Is Not Fixed Overnight
Discovering that your partner has been disingenuous or dishonest about your combined finances can create a damaging rift that is difficult to repair without help. According to a recent survey, almost a third of Americans in committed relationships confessed to one form of financial infidelity or another. These transgressions include but aren’t limited to, secret accounts and credit cards, undisclosed debts, and hidden spending. This betrayal is compounded when exacerbated by addiction.
Are you trying to cope with the discovery or disclosure of your partner’s financial infidelity? Does a deep sense of disappointment, disbelief, betrayal, anger, and panic mar attempts to restore your relationship?
If so, how can you start to recover? Are there steps that can help you move forward?
Couples Substance Use Recovery Counseling NYC: Financial Infidelity Is Often Fixable When You Face Facts
Trust is precious. When your partner does something to dishonor your agreement to love each other, trust is broken. The road to recovery is possible if you can work through these key points along the way:
Accept that Deceit = Damage
Financial infidelity, any sort of unfaithfulness, hurts. You deserve to feel what you’re feeling. It’s healthy to acknowledge your partner’s lies, omissions, and the resulting fallout. Don’t feel pressured to “get over it” without processing the financial and relationship realities. Don’t feel compelled to dismiss or ignore the gravity of the situation. As with substance use recovery, accept that repair will take time and effort internally in addition to any work you do with a partner.
Reestablish that Respect is a Relationship Requirement
Is your partner continuing to excuse their infidelity? Are they withholding information, or minimizing the fallout? If so, a financial union just isn’t a good idea. Instead, keep your money separate and take a closer look at your relationship and personal choices with a counselor.
On the other hand, if your partner does take responsibility, seeks accountability, and commits to a more honest approach to finances, there is hope. Your mutual willingness to set firm boundaries of respect and teamwork is vital. Restoring expectations of truth and respect is crucial.
Commit to Transparency
To restore trust and financial health, commit to full disclosure. Financial transparency is likely to be very uncomfortable at first. Still, this is necessary and non-negotiable. Assess and openly share the truth about your financial status, looming issues, and concerns. It’s also important to consider areas of disconnect in financial literacy or avoidance.
Couples Substance Use Recovery Counseling NYC: Financial Infidelity Is Fixable When You Foster Healthier Fiscal Habits
In many relationships, money is never really discussed in detail. Embarking on recovery from financial infidelity often reveals unaddressed fiscal differences and lopsided control of the funds. That’s okay. You can use this information to reconstruct your goals and a sense of purpose that coordinates with substance use recovery goals.
Fully Explore Your Financial Perceptions
You and your partner likely need to have some uncomfortable and vulnerable conversations supported by a therapist. Approaching this exploration with curiosity instead of animosity can help clear up your mutual thoughts and beliefs regarding financial expectations, habits, and security.
Create and Carry Out a Solid Plan
Recovery happens with a system. It will be important that you come up with concrete strategies to resolve the damage. For example, you might make time to work on goal setting and manageable goals routinely. You’ll want to work out the following:
- specific steps for debt resolution,
- implementation of a budget,
- researching the pros and cons of debt consolidation
- navigating agreement regarding fund access and restrictions
Of course, coming up with a sustainable plan may be outside your relationship wheelhouse. Here again, counseling can help you manage ongoing stress and fluctuating emotions. Working with both a couples counselor and financial advisor can facilitate safe, productive spaces for moving forward.
Stay Financially Connected, Communicative, and Flexible
Communicating about your financial styles and strengths is crucial for rebuilding and future financial success. Check-in with your partner and discuss progress or problems routinely. Resist the urge to blame each other or dismiss concerns. Instead, revisit the boundaries you’ve put in place and work together to ensure that you’re both feeling heard and supported. If you continue to struggle, look for ways to tweak your financial plans and communication issues with a counselor.
Couples Substance Use Recovery Counseling NYC: Financial Infidelity Is Fixable When You Focus on a Relationship Reset
Your material losses may be significant right now. Your emotional pain is likely worse. Without support, it is probably hard to see how your relationship could survive or even become stronger. In fact, this experience may require a relationship reset to survive.
Fortunately, as with most difficult things, the way forward is made bearable, even hopeful, with the help of a guide. Challenge the fear financial infidelity ruined everything. Don’t give up too soon. We can help you.
The Relationship Suite
We’re here to help you overcome unhealthy behaviors, gain coping skills, and create new possibilities together. To schedule a free, 20-minute consultation, please reach out.
As therapists, we have worked with substance use in recovery, the partners of substance users, and the couple. We believe it is essential to handle the situation and its consequences with empathy, acceptance, and patience. With hard work, forgiveness, and the right kind of support and counseling, many couples can heal their relationship and create a new and healthier relationship.
This takes a lot of time, patience, and persistence, but a new level of trust and intimacy can happen. Please learn more about our Couples and Substance Use Recovery counseling services for help.
If you’re looking for couples counseling for substance use, call 917-273-8836 or email us. We are currently providing Online/Virtual Video Counseling to our clients with HIPAA-based platforms.
We are a group of skilled therapists specializing in individual and couples counseling. Since Covid, we have been working with couples via Online Counseling in New York, New York City including Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn, Bronx, Staten Island, Westchester, Long Island, South Hampton, East Hampton, Montauk. To schedule a complimentary consultation, click HERE.
We also provide Virtual Counseling in New Jersey, Hoboken, Jersey City, Princeton, Chatham, Morris, Westfield, Union, Bergen County, Colts Neck, Tenafly. Schedule a complimentary consultation by clicking HERE.
