Couples Substance Use Recovery Counseling NYC: Repairing Your Relationship As A Team
Once upon a (very painful) time, you might not have been sure you would make it through the fallout of substance use disorder (SUD), at least as a couple. The fact that you and your partner are still here is amazing. That you want to know more about couples’ use recovery is a testament to your resolve and commitment.
You likely know that substance use can be a sneaky presence, dividing and conquering a couple one wine glass at a time. You may realize too, that substance use can also be a raging and oppressive opponent, pulling you apart dramatically and ending a connection prematurely.
Though you survived it all, the resulting hurt is real. The lingering doubts don’t dissolve on their own. Whatever the circumstances, your relationship changed.
So, what does the way forward look like, exactly?
As always, awareness, acceptance, and alliance make any repair journey more lasting and effective.
Couples Substance Use Recovery NYC: Love Remains & Things Aren’t the Same. That’s Okay.
There is no shame in recognizing that your relationship is deeply affected by substance use.
There is no shame in needing to repair the damage and seek support. Those truths don’t cancel out your love, commitment, or loyalty. They are just honest and honor your internal experiences. You both felt a range of emotions and they don’t deserve to be ignored or denied.
In fact, your willingness to start your relationship healing process is not at all shameful. It is a new strength born out of terrible trauma. After all you’ve been through, taking time to recognize that you and your partner are not alone (and don’t deserve to be) is key to forging a new bond. Then, new hope and help for your connection can be built on a firmer foundation.
Couples Substance Use Recovery NYC: Accept that Rebuilding is a “We” Thing
If you are a partner in recovery, it can be easy to want to shoulder the responsibility of the relationship recovery as you would your personal recovery. You may want to step beyond amends and try to ‘get things on track’ independently. It can also be difficult to accept that your partner needs time to trust and move forward. It’s important not to go too fast or push too hard.
If you are the sober partner, you might be tempted to push past the more challenging aspects of reconnection and relationship building and get back to the good feelings of your love without really healing first.
For both of you, trust and emotional safety take time to rebuild. Just as substance use recovery has its highs and lows, so will your relationship’s healing. Healing happens at different rates. Accepting each other’s individual processes, as well as your mutual growth is key. It’s important to treat your current relationship as something new and different rather than a placeholder while you try to get back to your pre-substance use relationship.
How can you hope to do this with some many roiling emotions and difficult memories? You commit to aligning yourselves with a couple of substance use recovery experts.
Couples Substance Use Recovery NYC: How an Alliance with an Experienced Professional Helps You Reunite Emotionally
A therapist can help you deal with unhelpful relationship patterns that keep you both from communicating well and impede patience, honesty, and intimacy. They will do so without taking sides or placing blame. Shaming is not part of aligning yourself with a therapist but dealing with shame is. Then, you are both free to express your past hurts and hopes for the future openly.
As you work together to build healthier emotional connections, you can start to dispel areas of codependency and other unhelpful patterns of interaction. You’ll likely find that mutual empathy starts to develop and becomes foundational in creating the life you want.
The Relationship Suite
We can help you. We’re here to help you overcome unhealthy behaviors, gain coping skills, and create new possibilities together. To schedule a free, 20-minute consultation, please reach out.
As therapists, we have worked with substance use in recovery, the partners of substance users, and the couple. We believe it is important to handle the situation with empathy, acceptance, and patience. With hard work, forgiveness, and the right kind of support and counseling, many couples can heal their relationship and create a new and healthier relationship. This takes a lot of time, patience, and persistence, but a new level of trust and intimacy can happen.
If you’re looking for couples counseling for substance use, call 917-273-8836 or email us. We are currently providing Online/Virtual Video Counseling to our clients with HIPAA-based platforms.
