Couples Substance Use Recovery Counseling NYC: Why Forgiveness Means So Much

Life in recovery as a healthy, whole individual is hard enough. To recover and reconnect as a couple is a testament to your commitment. Still, though the road is often uphill, you’ve likely discovered that rewards are many when you devote yourselves to the work. Part of moving forward is your willingness to examine the emotions and patterns that shape your union. One crucial factor that promotes a truly shared life and brighter future is forgiveness. 

Looking at your union from the outside, some may say that “you’ve come through the worst of it.” That may, indeed, be true. Yet, you both know that every day is a choice. A choice not to use and not to cope harmfully. A choice not to isolate or slide back into unproductive communication. And a choice not to let shame muck up all of your hard work. You choose to forgive yourselves and each other.

Of course, forgiveness is more than accepting apologies and “getting on with it.” Relationships that endure substance use and come out the other side are special. You and your partner are survivors in a multitude of ways. Thus, the fact that you want to seek and offer forgiveness signals a deep awareness of the hurt inflicted. Moreover, it honors your mutual need to fully heal and love without relapsing relationally down the road.

So, let’s look a little deeper at why forgiveness matters for couples in substance use recovery:

Couples Substance Use Recovery Counseling NYC: Forgiveness Means So Much When You Feel Like You Sabotaged It

Do you or your partner resist forgiveness because there is some sense that the other person does not deserve to be forgiven? Are you worried that forgiveness opens the door to more harm? 

Substance use often brings out the worst in a person. It can also bring out the worst in their relationships. By the time meaningful recovery is an actual reality, looking at the harm done can be extremely painful. It can feel like nothing can be done to restore and rebuild.

Fortunately, when you learn to forgive, you can use those feelings as motivation for hopeful change. Forgiveness isn’t a free pass or forced emotional amnesia. Forgiveness is mutual release. Instead of remaining stuck in self-inflicted defeat or pushing each other away, forgiving yourselves and each other acknowledges that it’s time to let go of the past. You’re offering each other the freedom to be a person that blows it but still has value.

Couples Substance Use Recovery Counseling NYC: Forgiveness Means So Much Because it Provides a Way Forward

Yes, substance use suspended the love you once had. But all is not lost. Why? Because you choose to see your partner as more than the substance use-fueled actions that damaged the relationship. Acceptance of your partner as a person worth forgiving shifts focus to the harmful coping methods and interactions that marred your connection. 

Forgiveness steeped in empathy permits time and space for real closure and relationship restructuring. The torture of your mistakes, regrettable choices, and mistreatment of others is no longer a cross to bear. They are lessons learned. Just allowing each other to be fallible humans helps you both tap into the foundations of your connection. 

This doesn’t mean you don’t have to deal with the fallout. However, it does allow room for relief and letting go of shame and blame. Now you can determine what the future holds. You can actively start making amends, work out the terms and boundaries of a life in recovery, and actively start living the life you want. 

Couples Substance Use Recovery Counseling NYC: Forgiveness Means So Much Because It Opens the Door to the Support You Need

Let’s be honest. Forgiveness is a tall order in isolation. Substance use and recovery are mentally taxing, emotionally draining, and spiritually challenging. Suffering is real, anxiety happens, and trust often doesn’t come easy. To heal, couples are enormously benefitted from a compassionate and experienced therapist.

With the support of couples substance use recovery counseling, it is possible to come through your tough times, forgive fully, and thrive. 

The Relationship Suite

We can help you. We’re here to help you overcome shame and lingering problems or patterns that threaten the new life you hope to build. Let us support you. We can foster a safe place to promote lasting forgiveness and create new relationship goals. To schedule a free, 20-minute consultation, please reach out.

As therapists, we have worked with the individuals in recovery, the partners of substance users, and the couple. We believe it is important to handle the situation with empathy, acceptance, and patience. With hard work, forgiveness, and the right kind of support and counseling, many couples can heal their relationship and create a new and healthier relationship. This takes a lot of time, patience, and persistence, but a new level of trust and intimacy can happen.

If you’re looking for couples counseling for substance abuse, call 917-273-8836 or email us. We are currently providing Online/Virtual Video Counseling to our clients with HIPAA-based platforms.

Maintaining or re-establishing your connection. Moreover, your hard work is worthy of special attention and strong support as you move forward.